Joke Quotes
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It's almost a joke how good I am at charades. Not to pat my own back, but I'm literally - I'm kind of unstoppable.
When someone says, 'I recognize you,' I'll say, 'Congratulations on having a TV.' It's a little joke.
A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.
If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.
I do things, and other people laugh at them. I rarely know what the joke is supposed to be or why they're laughing.
Venom was a joke in the '80s, their heavy metal music sucked big time, and I really have no interest in them - not then, not now.
My dad is a really funny guy, and we would make jokes about my leukemia. When my friends would come over, we would joke about it, too.
In Europe, they travel a lot lighter. I always joke that my Indonesian passengers bring their house and their neighbor's house.
I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right.
Everyone's heard the same joke a million times and knows the setups. They are tired of the mass-marketed entertainment served on the networks.
To me, music is not a stunt. Music is not a joke. I take every lick of music that I've ever played very serious.
I had this website that, at one point, I listed myself as 'actor, writer, comedian, and fart enthusiast' just because I thought that would be a really clear joke.
Postmodernism is among other things a sick joke at the expense of revolutionary avant-gardism.
The Pakistan Cricket Board is a long-standing joke, its chairmen replaced with every change of government.
Television is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome.
Prior to 'Tokyo Drift,' the iconic perception of Asians in Hollywood films has been either the Kung Fu guy, the Yakuza guy or some technical genius. It used to be such a joke, to be laughed at rather than with.
What I find shocking is that there's this thought process that Hillary Clinton is going to be president of the United States, and to even think of Donald Trump is a joke.
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.
I'm a bit of a worrier, to an extreme. I'll crack a joke, then worry if I've offended someone - even when they're laughing. I have a guilt complex, always worrying.
It devastates me now that I have been reduced to a Hollywood statistic - another joke marriage.
I agree with Sophocles: the greatest luck is not to have been born - but, as the joke goes on, very few people succeed in it.
The joke we always say is that WWE doesn't pay us to wrestle, they pay us to travel.
Donald Trump has been saying that he will run for president as a Republican, which is surprising since I just assumed he was running as a joke.
I once did a flip-flop joke in San Diego, and I got booed... but it's all in good fun.
What I've said before, only half in joke, is that everybody in Ireland is famous. Or, maybe better, say everybody is familiar.
I joke with my kids, who love history, that I'll be the only governor to be elected twice in his first term.
I get a kick out of replying to people on Twitter sometimes if I make a joke.
I like to joke with my wife that she's the CEO of... certainly of our household.
Because Buffy really has become the straight man, every once in a while it's nice to be the one that tells the joke and it's nice to be the one that is the joke and it's nice to do something that's a little bit different.
There was the joke about Switzerland being an island surrounded by land. This was never true.
When I write, I create really absurd situations which become false because I am after the joke.
At nine, my mom used to tell me she saw an Olympic medalist in me. I used to take it as a joke, but she was very serious.
To single out a particular group and say we can't make a joke about them is almost a form of prejudice and it's kind of patronizing.
Whenever my family brought up the topic of my marriage, I'd joke that I would marry only a princess.
There was a joke going around campus when I was at Washington State. It went, 'What's the difference between God and Ryan Leaf?' The punchline was, 'God doesn't think he's Ryan Leaf.'
We need to get rid of the Federal Elections Commission. It's a joke. It doesn't enforce the law.
I don't want to ever tell a stereotype joke for the sake of it. I'm going to tell the story that I feel is true.
The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.
Most people are used to the T.V. comedy method of one joke every 18 seconds. And that's why it's not funny... There's no time for anything to develop.
I can't write a joke. I could never write. I do a lot of stories and I call them stories, but they're just comedy recitals on a given subject.
There can be a science to joke writing, there are certainly rules and patterns that can be followed, but I think most of the best comedy goes beyond the rules.
Telling a joke is risk taking. Younger people are more insecure and not willing to put themselves on the line, so a quick one-liner is much safer.
You can read Kant by yourself, if you wanted to; but you must share a joke with someone else.
You could read Kant by yourself, if you wanted; but you must share a joke with some one else.
Every vision is a joke until the first man accomplishes it; once realized, it becomes commonplace.
We joke a lot about how, in Hollywood, the writer is one step below the doormat. That's not self-loathing. That's true!
It's much easier to get your material out to the public now than it was in 1988, when you basically had to get onto cable to have a joke heard across the country. Now all you need is an iPhone, and you can get your joke heard across the country.
We made the joke when we screened 'Bucket List' that there was 100% desire to see amongst our demographic with a 40% ability to get them to see it.
I like the rhythm of comedy in dramas, if that makes sense. In other words, I don't want to write setup, punch, setup, punch, where the joke dictates the scene; I want to find comedy in which the drama is actually driving the moment in the scene.
I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
Gene Autry was the most. It may sound like a joke - Go and have a look in my bedroom, It's covered with Gene Autry posters. He was my first musical influence.
I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart's on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her ovens.
I make a lot of money. I wear a lot of jewelry. And the reason I buy so much jewelry is to show you that it's not a joke. You walk around with $20,000 on, you not to be played with.
People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they're very rarely the same.
My joke, which isn't really a joke, is that there will be one of two tours: the tour for the album that does well, or the tour for the album that stiffs.
I used to think of it as a joke that all paranoids were right. That was a joke in the '60s, but now I'm convinced that people should be paranoid reflexively - and then pare it down from there if there's any indication that they're wrong.
Scandinavian-Danish cuisine was something quite rustic, mostly known for pastries and smorgasbord cuisine, which in itself has become a joke.
Essentially a joke is creating an idea, whether sonic or visual, whether it's something musical or a traditional joke.
Hour-long TV is no joke. It tests you as a human being. It makes you a stronger person, but it's really crazy.
My music has a high irritation factor. I've always tried to say something. Eccentric lyrics about eccentric people. Often it was a joke. But I would plead guilty on the grounds that I prefer eccentricity to the bland.
Following well-established national security screening procedures and accurately informing Congress about them is not a joke or a political game. It is essential to guaranteeing that our national secrets are protected and to preventing possible blackmailing of key administration officials.
No-one wants to hear a crude joke at the expense of the Principal, or the Bridegroom, or the head of the company. Well, they do, but wait ‘til you’re offstage then WhatsApp it to everyone instead.
In 1975, I left the burning city of Beirut for the quiet insanity of England. To say that short, frail and wispy 15-year-old me didn't fit in would be such an understatement as to be a joke.
I couldn't afford to get sick in prison. My sickle cell is no joke, so I couldn't eat poorly or not exercise. And everything in jail is designed to do the exact opposite.
Historically, Heathrow has been something of a joke, outweighed by its excellent connections. We have to aspire to having an airport at Heathrow with two runways which is a world-class airport. It's a big challenge.
Somebody from Pitchfork Festival wanted me to have a Microphones reunion. It's a joke. It's just me.
I've made a lot of grown men cry with laughter, because I really am quite the joke.
For the amount of talent I had - and I couldn't dance, act, or tell a joke - I enjoyed a tremendous career.
A lot of comedies fall apart because they just go from joke to joke, and the characters are all sort of being crazy off on their own.
What you never want to do is have a story that doesn't track emotionally, because then you're going joke to joke and you're going to fatigue the audience. The only thing that's going to string them to the next joke is how successful the previous joke is.
The term 'steampunk' itself, now a badge of honor, began as a putdown, a joke. But like 'Big Bang' in cosmology, the diss became the standard.
They all want to be me. They do! What everybody else says they will do, I've already been doing. They all want to be me. It's become a joke in Congress how Dr. Gingrey and Mr. Kingston have been following my votes. They've even changed votes to what I voted, multiple times. Members of Congress are laughing about it.
I joke around a lot about the manic times because they're funny. We manics do outrageous things and it is part of our colorful nature.
I'm probably the guy who keeps it loose around the room and tries to joke around with guys before the game, keeping things funny.
I love to play the game, love to be around the rink, and love to joke around with my teammates and have some fun.
I'd come from the bottom of the barrel. Just Owen Hart getting out of the shadow of Bret Hart's little brother. Everyone figured, this is a joke, Owen's going to get squashed.
The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.
Be not affronted at a joke. If one throw salt at thee, thou wilt receive no harm, unless thou art raw.
Years ago I was a runway model, and I used to get laughs. I thought it was a joke anyway.
In television, there are so many things between you making a joke and the audience seeing it. It's like an assault course.
It's a lot easier, I think, to be an actor in a movie than to spin a joke on a sitcom.
I found, especially with stand-up, that if a premise works, you can make the joke work. If a premise doesn't work, you can't force it to.
As a comedy writer, I'm always praying for the day I can tell a self-aware/break-the-fourth-wall style of joke.
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