What do you call a happy gardener? Someone with a great "atti-tude." They always look on the bright side, especially when their tomatoes finally turn red.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me. Now I cannot imagine life without my beard - it really suits my face.

Why did the broom get promoted? Because it swept the competition. The janitor was really proud - he trained that broom himself.

What do you call shoes made from banana peels? Slippers! They are great until you try to walk upstairs.

Why do elevator jokes work so well? Because they work on so many levels. Some go up, some go down, but all of them lift your spirits.

My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. She was relieved when I finally stood on both feet.

What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho cheese! I told that joke at a party and someone threw a chip at me - totally worth it.

Why did the skeleton skip the dance? Because he had no body to go with. His bones were also a little rattled by the loud music.

Knock knock. Who is there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it is cold out here! The vegetable had been standing outside for twenty minutes and was absolutely freezing.

Knock knock. Who is there? Cow says. Cow says who? No silly, cow says MOO! The farmer at the door had heard this one a hundred times but still laughed every time.