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For 35 years, I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren't funny. Some of them weren't appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.
The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.
I have seen and heard comedians who had really funny 'stuff' but yet could not make the people laugh; then, again - I have seen others whose stuff was anything but humorous, and the audience would howl with laughter.
Hands down, 'The Family Man' is one of my favorite movies with Nicolas Cage and Tea Leoni. I've always loved that movie... it's pretty special. I also love 'It's a Wonderful Life,' and 'Home Alone' - I think it's really funny.
So much of a stand-up's life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.
If you look at shows like 'Def Comedy Jam' in its heyday, there were so many really funny, talented black comics that never would have gotten on that show because they just weren't doing comedy that fit that mold.
The only way I was going to be funny was if I was myself, and either you liked it, or you didn't. Either you got on my train, or you didn't. Freeing myself of this idea that I had to fit a certain mold was when I was able to be my funniest.
There are many Bollywood actresses who work in the South and speak Tamil or Malayalam, and though it is correct, we find it funny sometimes.
You can't fake comedy. You can't make it look beautiful or put an interesting bit of music on in the background: funny can only be funny if you're funny.
Some people get into comedy because they love comedy. Then there are people who have a message and have realised that if they can be funny, maybe people will listen to it. And then there are people like me, who are just addicted to making people laugh.
In the U.K. and Ireland, crowd-work is a big thing. It shows you how funny someone would be if you met them off-stage. Americans don't care if you're funny off-stage. They want to see the writing; they want to see the work you did.
Apparently, my father was funny. I didn't really know him, but people have theories that the gag-smith gene trickles down through the blood amongst other terrible traits like a big nose and a temper.
When I was growing up, I idolised my father. I thought his ghost followed me around the house. I had been told how he adored me, how I was funny, just like him. Because of our lovely Catholic upbringing, I secretly assumed that he would eventually come back, like our good friend Jesus.
It's funny because there's a part of me that, if something is popular, I sort of become a defiant teenager about it. Like, 'Oh, I'm not gonna like that because everybody likes it.'
It's funny because I remember playing 'Grand Turismo,' and I would get yelled at by my brother for moving the controller as if it was a wheel. He was, 'It's not gonna help you.' Now you have a Wii, and you could actually move and control it.
The fact is I'm choosy, but mainly about a man's character. He has to be interesting, funny and clever. I don't even mind if he's not very good-looking.
It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.
Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.
I like having a beard. What's funny is when you shave a beard, you realize how freezing cold your face is! The primary purpose evolution-wise is to keep you warm, to grow hair on your face. You shave it off, and your face is freezing for a few days.
I love hearing about bad behavior. It's just so funny to me. Especially, grown ups acting like weird, inconsolable babies over really stupid things, to me, is really funny.
It wasn't until I hit 20 that I became an obsessive reader, I think, which feels a little funny considering I was a bookseller for five years and have been reviewing YA novels for four years.
I think our Batman had to be fun, light-hearted, funny, tongue-in-cheek... and I think that made kind of an homage to those earlier comic books, where Batman always had a quip or something.
I did a character called Captain Q for Nestle's Quik. Those commercials were kind of funny.
My paintings capture the humor, zaniness, and depth of the Batman villains as well as the Freudian motivations of Batman as an all-too-human, venerable, and funny vigilante superhero.
To play the leading man in a 'Three Stooges' movie, you've got to think funny. Thank God I think funny.
I'm a sucker for Thought Catalog. Shelby Fero is really funny on Twitter. And Patton Oswalt, he's sort of like a Twitter throb.
The goal has been not to get pigeonholed. I like working in different genres. I'm gonna try to be entertaining and funny and do my usual thing.
It's just funny that Americans have to contend with 2000 channels, and 60 different specific news sources, and the confusion that it creates, and the junk that we get to see is hilarious.
If you do a Western that's funny, there's no way people don't call it a spoof or a parody, even though it may not be.
The easiest time to be funny is during a fairly serious situation. That way, you can break the ice. It's crazy, but even at funerals, people will get huge laughs.
'Entourage' was a show that existed around wish-fulfillment. People watched it because they wanted to believe they could go on private jets and be hanging out in Hollywood, but as a show, comedically, it was not funny. Not a funny show. It's funny, ironically, because of how terrible it is.
My wife and I ran through 'Justified' in, like, a day. And that is such a funny, amazing show.
My favorite classic novel may be 'The Invisible Man.' It's smart and genuinely funny. Otherwise, my favorite character is probably Frankenstein's Monster/Frankenstein the Monster.
Being gay has never been a big deal to me, which is why it's a little funny to be getting all this attention about it.
It was funny to run into girls I knew after the movie came out because they would say, 'I saw you on 'Magic Mike,' but there was this look of embarrassment. It was very cute.
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.'
If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?
Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
As a comedian, I am attracted to truths that are uncomfortable. I like funny bummers.
There's not one thing that inspires me the most. Me and my friends joke around with each other and hang out so much that whatever makes us laugh really hard makes it into 'Workaholics.' But the characters that I think are funny are guys that are confidently stupid.
All of my family members have had moments where they're upset with me because I'll cavalierly write a story just to be funny.
I love 'AP Bio' - I think it's so funny - it's just not the show I want to do.
The Madonna tour thing was definitely funny that - you know, children were crying watching us... and it was interesting seeing how angry their parents were.
I feel like network didn't want me. I was doing all these pilots, and it never worked out. I was like, network doesn't like me. I'm going to go to cable where I'm appreciated. Then it was funny; I think I had to go to cable for network to appreciate me.
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
It's funny, the hardest thing to do is to make something look like it's fast, loose and improvised, and get somebody to laugh.
It's funny because if you ever ask anyone in England to try and do a Beatles accent, no one knows what they really sound like. If you ask anyone in America, they would try and give it a go. English people just know their songs.
I was raised by women. Now I'm raising women. I was always better around girls. I live in an all-female household. I even have two female dogs... It's funny how that turned out.
For me, I can't watch violence when it's too grotesque, and it's just like, that's revolting to watch. I don't enjoy it. But when it's a Tarantino film, I'm lining up outside the door to see it, and I'm expecting to see something really crazy, a lot of blood, and for it to be funny.
I definitely started to perform a little bit in middle school, but not the typical musical/play route. I think that I am funny, but it was more of a social thing, where that was my part in my circle of friends.
What I love about comedy is that it's unquestionably working. There are varying degrees of that, where there's something that makes you smile and is funny versus something that makes you hysterically laugh.
There haven't been a lot of superhero movies with female leads, and there have been even fewer - if any - that were truly funny. I heard Ant-Man was, but I haven't seen that yet. So, that would be my goal, my dream - to be a super-heroine who's not afraid to be feminine and also not afraid to make people laugh.
It's so funny, I've done so many projects where I've been interrogated. I guest starred on almost every hour drama, and I'm always the guy they think is the bad guy but then they find out is not.
When I was right out of college, I felt competitive with some of the guys in my class over career stuff. It's funny now to think about it - that a friend getting a job or something had anything to do with me... I think that my relationship with my wife has played a pivotal role in the chilling out of Aaron.
I grew up playing hockey and some football, and I always think about the first time you walk into the locker room on a new team. The cliques are looking at you funny, and you make one friend, but then they're trying to stab you in the back.
It's a funny thing about me. I don't have any interest in food most of the time now, although when I was a kid I was always hungry.
A lot of times girls think they're funny, but they want to pretty at the same time, and if you want to be funny, you have to be willing to get ugly.
I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
Prior to the 'Chappelle's Show,' you know, no one would even listen to me, in the frame of, 'Oh, he is trying to be funny.'
'Saturday Night Live' is a very particular beast. What it celebrates are individuals who can stand out. I did good work there, but going onstage and saying, 'Hey! Hey! Look at me! Aren't I funny?' - that just wasn't my instinct.
In the happy scenes there were really fun times. Sean would say really funny stuff because he likes to improv. I would want to laugh, but you are not allowed to do that during the take.
It's funny: when I started playing bass in 1984, you had guys like Paul Simonon fron the Clash, John Paul Jones, Lemmy, and Nikki Sixx was the head guy in Motley Crue, and you had all this post-punk stuff like Magazine and Killing Joke where the bass sort of lead the way. Not that I picked it to sort of be a main dude, but it intrigued me.
It's pretty funny, just driving by in a cab, and you see a huge billboard of yourself on the side of a hotel, like a 100-by-100 poster hanging up.
The ideas that you find funny and the things that you are offering to an audience are tied up with who you are and your soul and your heart.
The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny.
The funny thing is that people see one film like 'Racing Stripes' or 'Ice Princess' and all of a sudden, slip me into this category of 'that's what she's always involved in.'
My big brother Ryan was funny and unfailingly kind. He was one of the most talented musicians you might encounte, and had a prodigious ability to pick up any instrument and play it by ear within the span of a single day.
I'd so much rather people think I was funny than pretty.
I was so gangly, even sneakers looked awkward. Everybody kind of goes through some phase, and it's hard if you're singled out for anything. But there was this one boy in particular who made fun of me, and - it's funny - then later, when we were 18 or 19, he wanted to go out with me.
But I think Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang really got that thing where, if a movie reads really funny and then has some dramatic or violent or sinister stuff in it, you can't forget that primarily it has to be even funnier than you read it or that other stuff doesn't work.
You can succeed as a terrible director, but try doing that with stand-up: try being a terrible comedian and getting up on stage. The funny will win out very, very quickly.
I'm a terrific mimic, and you can feel my funny bone.
Commissioners are obsessed with young people, which is funny because they don't watch telly - only old people do.
It's really easy to be funny. You get a lot of funny people in a room, the show is funny.
There is definitely a pressure for funny people to be funny. People want them to perform all the time.
It's fun to be able to have a fun palate, and the way I say that, you think about it and it sounds funny, but it's true.
It's so funny that Hollywood has become so entrenched in its formulas. Because what I've experienced is that the good stuff comes from places you don't expect.
You can analyse a joke and say it's funny because this guy thought this was going to happen, and that happened, and it's surprising. But not all surprising things are funny.
I have found that people who really want to work at 'Saturday Night Live' and pursue it get pretty close. You have to be funny - but everyone who works there, it was their dream to work there. So it's kind of nice in that way - there's a lot of people who say, 'I just always wanted to do this, and now I'm doing it.'
In reality, as a comedian, you're successful because you're funny, and you should be able to be funny about anything.
If you're not going to love the Spurs, just don't talk smack to me about it. And if you're going to talk smack to me about it, be funny.
When I was, like, 16, I went in to the head of Disney, and I hadn't taken acting class really at all, and I didn't know what I was doing, and it was really embarrassing. Of course, you think Disney wants over-the-top and funny, and I was just trying to be over-the-top and funny, and it just wasn't working, and that was the worst.
I make these little films. I'm just a working person. I just study people a little bit more. It's more sociological, and it's funny anyway - not that serious. It's not like false humility. I just take it for what it is.
The funny thing is, I really feel it if I don't run. I start getting sluggish, and I feel like I need to do it. That's how I know that the workouts are working - I miss them if I don't have them.
One lion thinks it's just hilarious to tackle us. He's very funny about it... and we always know when it will happen.
I'm somebody who believes in funny things, and laughing, but I do like for them to come from a place that addresses the human condition.
There's a darkness under 'The Hangover' because ultimately there's a missing person and it's not really that funny. There's a sort of darkness under it that I love, and still people are laughing as hard if not harder than they did in 'Old School.'
One longs to be funny, to make people laugh. Laughter is such a sign of approval, isn't it?
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Today's Quote
The official Hamas charter calls for the murder of Jews and destruction of the Jewish state.
Quote Of The DayToday's Shayari
हमने हमारे इश्क़ का, इज़हार यूँ किया,
फूलों से तेरा नाम, पत्थरो पे लिख दिया !!
Today's Joke
टीचर- अगर तुम्हारे पास 15 सेब हों, जिनमें से 6 तुम मीना को दे दो,
..4 सोनिया को दे दो...
Today's Status
Evening is the time for peace, Where there is no tension to cease, On this evening, I want to wish...
Status Of The DayToday's Prayer
Lead me to trust in your goodness and mercy for the rest of my life. Train my heart to live...
Prayer Of The Day