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Most Famous Funny Quotes of All Time!

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I've thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent.

Quotes by Elayne Boosler

I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.

Quotes by Elayne Boosler

I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

Quotes by Elayne Boosler

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Elbert Hubbard

Too much agreement kills a chat.

Quotes by Eldridge Cleaver

I live in a wonderful world of make-believe. A world of Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire. A world of Winnie the Pooh and Edward Bear. Things like that. Wonderful things. Funny things.

Quotes by Eileen Ford

I have a lot of personality and I'm funny.

Quotes by EJ Johnson

One of the things I love about Helena Bonham Carter is that she is ravishing, but she does as much as she can to play it down and look funny. She doesn't let her looks get in the way. I hugely respect that.

Quotes by Eileen Atkins

Tech is a funny industry; I don't think there is any other industry on the planet that reinvents itself every 10-12 years.

Quotes by Edward Zander

The funny thing is, when you look at photos of Tuvia Bielski, he was fair, blue-eyed, and could pass for a Gentile.

Quotes by Edward Zwick

A funny thing about near-future stories: the future catches up to them. If the author is unlucky, the future catches up faster than the book can get out the door.

Quotes by Edward M. Lerner

It's to paint directly on the canvas without any funny business, as it were, and I use almost pure turpentine to start with, adding oil as I go along until the medium becomes pure oil. I use as little oil as I can possibly help, and that's my method.

Quotes by Edward Hopper

Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.

Quotes by Edward Abbey

Careers are funny things. They begin mysteriously and, just as mysteriously, they can end; and I am at just the very beginning of what I hope will be a long and satisfying life in the theater. But, whatever happens, I am grateful to have had my novice work received so well, and so quickly.

Quotes by Edward Albee

The avant-garde theater is fun; it is free-swinging, bold, iconoclastic, and often wildly, wildly funny. If you will approach it with childlike innocence - putting your standard responses aside, for they do not apply - if you will approach it on its own terms, I think you will be in for a liberating surprise.

Quotes by Edward Albee

It's funny. Of all the jobs I've been ambitious for, this is one that never crossed my mind.

Quotes by Edmund S. Muskie

I was extremely lucky that I had two great wives. It sounds a bit funny to say that, but it's absolutely true.

Quotes by Edmund Hillary

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.

Quotes by Edith Sitwell

It's funny, when bands or younger musicians ask me: 'So, what does it take to make it?' Well, first explain to me what you mean by 'making it': Do you want to be a rock star or do you want music to be your livelihood?

Quotes by Eddie Van Halen

I mean it's funny, playing music, how of course you want it to do well, you want them to like it, but it's not competitive like an election, it's the Olympics, it's not a Formula 1 race. The Billboard charts are just to show you what people like.

Quotes by Eddie Van Halen

Never put a sock in a toaster.

Quotes by Eddie Izzard

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

Quotes by Eddie Izzard

I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful, and they get that mixed up sometimes, or don't even notice that that's the thing.

Quotes by Eddie Izzard

I went swimming the other day and my wife was watching and she said, 'You know, it's funny, it's when you've got no clothes on, no one recognizes you.' I said, 'What are you saying? That I should do more love scenes?'

Quotes by Eddie Marsan

I'm 42 and the age of a guy who has kids, so I guess I'm playing right where I'm supposed to be. I'm comfortable with that, but in the same breath I'd do something edgy. If someone came to me and offered me an edgy and funny story, then I'd do it.

Quotes by Eddie Murphy

It's funny: when I set out to create the world of 'California,' I didn't give the type of apocalypse much thought... I simply set my two characters, Cal and Frida, in a depleted world and moved through it intuitively.

Quotes by Edan Lepucki

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

Quotes by Dylan Moran

I'd be hard-pressed to think of anybody who's made me laugh, who's funny, but who's also relentlessly positive.

Quotes by Dylan Moran

Children are the most honest critics. They will say 'You're funny', but also 'You're pathetic - go away.'

Quotes by Dylan Moran

It's funny because I've resisted acting as a career for most of my life. But both my parents told me if I ever want to direct, I should act first because no director should direct until they know what it's like to be in the actor's shoes.

Quotes by Dylan Penn

It's funny when people ask an actor what they want to play next, because you don't get to decide what you play. I don't know. I can only say this: I don't want to and have no interest in playing a plastic surgeon. That's for sure. I'm open to anything else.

Quotes by Dylan Walsh

I always stay humble. I don't act funny towards nobody.

Quotes by E-40

Be obscure clearly.

Quotes by E. B. White

Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.

Quotes by E. B. White

My mother is an actress, and my aunt Margaux was a model. And it's funny, as much as I'm all about I'm my own person, and I'm making my own name for myself, I have grown up in a world where most of these people who are like me are children of famous parents. So it's easy to become the socialite and be famous for that.

Quotes by Dree Hemingway

And at the time, it is funny how you can look at something and say, for example with my shoulder injury, when it first happened I said this is the worst thing that could happen to me. Why me, why now? Now I look back and say it was probably the best thing that happened to me.

Quotes by Drew Brees

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.

Quotes by Drew Carey

TV is easier: it's all planned out for you and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over.

Quotes by Drew Carey

Robert Altman's 'Nashville' is my all-time favorite film because it covers all the bases - it's original, moving, and has something to say, but also funny and incredibly entertaining.

Quotes by Douglas Wood

With kids, I have less time for things like masks - though I do try to treat myself, after they've gone to bed, to a mask or something. It's kind of funny because, as you get older, you probably need to do more in terms of beauty, but actually, you have less time to do it. But becoming a mother has made me a stronger person.

Quotes by Doutzen Kroes

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

Quotes by Dr. Seuss

When we began working on Parque Pumalin, rumours flew that we were establishing a nuclear waste site for the United States or, oddly for Episcopalians, which we both are, setting up a Jewish state. It would be funny if these theories weren't being taken very seriously.

Quotes by Douglas Tompkins

When I came out to Hollywood in 1985, I thought that I would be sitcom star. I'm a tall, skinny, goofy guy. I thought that I would make a great funny neighbor, or wacky office mate, in a sitcom.

Quotes by Doug Jones

Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.

Quotes by Doug Stanhope

The Internet has done nothing but good for comedy all around. Comedians no longer have to rely on TV execs and club owners deciding if they are funny or not.

Quotes by Doug Stanhope

When I play a game, I want to play, not necessarily laugh. If you try to make me laugh at the expense of interactivity, then you've just created another funny game that isn't very fun. The videogame medium itself is a terrible place for complicated humor, drama, and character development.

Quotes by Doug TenNapel

Making modern games funny would be easy as pie if it was anybody's goal to actually make a funny game.

Quotes by Doug TenNapel

When we go to see comedians or funny movies, they don't address the wall behind them; they face us. This is why a game's first job is to entertain through gameplay and secondarily through humor, drama, or other traditional entertainment devices. The humor has to be a gentleman. I mean, it needs to be squeezed in around the game.

Quotes by Doug TenNapel

I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.

Quotes by Douglas Adams

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Quotes by Douglas Adams

Those who knew Lincoln described him as an extraordinarily funny man. Humor was an essential aspect of his temperament. He laughed, he explained, so he did not weep.

Quotes by Doris Kearns Goodwin

Sometimes I think what I write is funny in its quiet way.

Quotes by Doris Lessing

You know I'm an actress, not just a funny lady.

Quotes by Doris Roberts

I believe, in a funny way, the job of the novelist is to be out there on the fringes and speaking for an experience that has not really been spoken for.

Quotes by Donna Tartt

When I was a boy, I had a grand, big tape recorder, and I made late-night radio shows with glasses of water and funny voices. I just loved radio plays.

Quotes by Donovan

Some call-in moderators are neutral and courteous. Then there's Rush Limbaugh, who is funny and pompous and a scapegoater and hatemonger. His popularity could cause you to draw some terrible conclusions about the state of mind of the American people. It helps to remember that Bill Cosby is popular, too.

Quotes by Donella Meadows

You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people.

Quotes by Donald Trump

Usually, if I think something is really funny, I'm not gonna test it. I'll just test it when I'm onstage.

Quotes by Donald Glover

I think it's a comedian's job to make everything funny. Nothing is off-limits.

Quotes by Donald Glover

I am built funny. Picture Mark Twain's head on Ichabod Crane's body. Now hold your mental picture to the light and crumple it.

Quotes by Donald McCaig

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

Quotes by Don Rickles

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.

Quotes by Don Rickles

You know what's funny to me? Attitude.

Quotes by Don Rickles

Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.

Quotes by Don Rickles

Funny is funny.

Quotes by Don Rickles

If something strikes me as funny, I'll put it in my performance.

Quotes by Don Rickles

There's one thing about baldness, it's neat.

Quotes by Don Herold

I don't think just funny is enough on Broadway.

Quotes by Don Knotts

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Quotes by Don Marquis

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.

Quotes by Don Marquis

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.

Quotes by Don Marquis

A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.

Quotes by Don Marquis

Glenn was the one who invited me to join the Eagles in 1974, and it turned out to be a gift of a lifetime to have spent so many years working side by side with him. He was funny, strong, and generous. At times, it felt like we were brothers, and at other times, like brothers, we disagreed.

Quotes by Don Felder

I think I've got a funny face.

Quotes by Dominic West

It's really funny to me that I get called a workhorse or somebody who's really good at making other people better in the ring. I feel like I'm good at every aspect of this. I feel like I'm a great talker; I feel like I'm a great representative of the company. I broke records in college. I have an amateur background with fighting skills.

Quotes by Dolph Ziggler

I had to audition for the part of Jnior, and I wanted the role terribly because I knew it was a great character. This guy is a wonderful, funny, mean old guy.

Quotes by Dominic Chianese

The anger that Uncle Junior has comes from my background. My father was the son of an Italian immigrant, and I've seen the fire of the Italian temperament. It can be explosive sometimes in ways that are both funny and tragic.

Quotes by Dominic Chianese

It's funny, I never think I'm doing that well. I've never, ever. I just constantly think, 'This isn't working out.'

Quotes by Dominic Cooper

Especially with comedy, you take massive risks because ultimately you're trying to be funny. If you're not funny, then it's really embarrassing and you look stupid.

Quotes by Dominic Cooper

When I was a little boy, I was fascinated by the way my dad used to laugh at the telly, and from a very early age, I had an idea of what was funny and why people laughed.

Quotes by Dominic Holland

I've written 'Eclipsed' as a funny story. It is completely bonkers.

Quotes by Dominic Holland

I just talk about the funny things in my life, and the idea is that my observations reflect the lives of my audience - so people are really laughing at themselves. This is the theory, anyway, and I am aware that in print, that it doesn't appear to be very funny. But it is, and I am definitely funny.

Quotes by Dominic Holland

I must say that I am rather partial to funny dog videos.

Quotes by Dominic Holland

Funny enough, every role that I have had, I try to tone down my accent or speak with better diction.

Quotes by Djimon Hounsou

It's funny, when you have a theme so particular to cows - or it could be anything like hair or nails - when you're rapping about a specific thing, you can have more punchlines about it.

Quotes by Doja Cat

When Dad died in 1998, it really hit my confidence - he'd helped me write and he thought I was really funny, but since he'd died I didn't feel right. And it felt like no one but me even remembered him.

Quotes by Dolly Wells

Twitter's a funny one. I mean, it's good in some respects, but I can't stand it in other respects. You know there are too many opinions, people get opinions mixed up, and people get being rude mixed up with 'that's my opinion.'

Quotes by Dionne Bromfield

It's funny - some producers ask me, 'Man, how do you work on a Bieber record? That would kill my career.' I can work on any record there is as long as they are good records and you're pushing things forward.

Quotes by Diplo

It's funny, man, sometimes you record something that you plan on re-doing later, but then when you listen back to it, you decide to keep it because you realize that it's gonna be real tough to beat!

Quotes by Dimebag Darrell

Cable is a great medium. It's something I respond to. I'm not doing sitcoms. People don't find me funny. That's just the way it is.

Quotes by Diego Klattenhoff

In Nova Scotia, there are some definite down-home accents, and it's funny because you can go to Sydney, and one guy is from North Sydney, and you can't understand a thing he's saying, or Glace Bay or wherever.

Quotes by Diego Klattenhoff

There's a lot of very funny people I'd love to work with that I've never met, of course. I love Steve Martin and Jim Carrey.

Quotes by Dick Van Dyke

The characters I usually get offered are described as 'none too bright' or 'funny but a little air-brained.'

Quotes by Didi Conn

What I fell in love with as a child was 'My Fair Lady,' 'Funny Face,' 'American in Paris,' and 'Singin' in the Rain.' Just perfect movies to me and I was dancing. I started ballet when I was three. And I fell in love with those movies and fell in love with Audrey Hepburn and Leslie Caron.

Quotes by Dianna Agron

It's funny: I look at songs, and I guess they each tell a story, and the different songs talk about different things. But they're unified by the rhythm underneath and the way that we decided to arrange and play them.

Quotes by Dianne Reeves

To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is.

Quotes by Dick Cavett

I get a kick out of people saying I was funny.

Quotes by Dick Cavett

People get so heated about it and can't see the funny side, I think. And plus, everything's been said. It must be really difficult to come up with new jokes about Brexit.

Quotes by Diane Morgan

I never get to be funny on T.V.

Quotes by Diane Neal

At boarding school you had to wear your name across your chest and your back, and obviously I had a pretty funny name. It wasn't Brown or Smith or Hughes.

Quotes by Diane Cilento

Sometimes I even feel funny to say I'm in a biracial marriage because people are like, 'Oh, he's Asian?' The subtext is, 'Who cares? You didn't marry a black person.'

Quotes by Diane Farr

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