W C Fields Quotes

Most Famous W C Fields Quotes of All Time!

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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

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Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.

I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do.

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