Steven Wright Quotes

Most Famous Steven Wright Quotes of All Time!

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There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

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I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

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