Top 10 Steven Wright Quotes

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If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

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