Rita Rudner Quotes

Most Famous Rita Rudner Quotes of All Time!

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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

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