Why are baseball stadiums so cool? Because they are full of fans! Between the seventh-inning stretch and the wave, the air circulation in those places is actually remarkable.

Why can Cinderella not play soccer? Because she always runs away from the ball! And at midnight, her cleats turn back into glass slippers - terrible footwear for the pitch.

Why did the basketball player bring a bib to the game? Because he was always drooling on the court! His coach said his hunger for victory was evident but suggested keeping it professional.

Why is tennis such a loud sport? Because players always raise a racquet! Between the grunting, the ball pops, and the crowd, the noise complaints from neighboring courts are constant.

What do you call a golfer who misses every shot? A member of the club - they all paid the same fees. The handicap system was invented specifically to keep this person motivated.

Why did the swimmer take a ruler to the pool? Because she wanted to measure the depth of her talent! The coach said she was deep, but she preferred empirical confirmation.

What position does a ghost play in football? Ghoulkeeper! He floats through defenders and the ball passes right through him, which is technically a foul but very hard to enforce.

When is the gym the busiest? January 1st to January 19th. Then the regulars get their treadmills back, the parking spots return, and nobody mentions what happened. This cycle repeats every year exactly.

How do you know someone skipped leg day? They walk around on legs that look like they were borrowed from a much smaller person! The upper body is impressive; the lower situation raises questions about planning.

What does a gym person eat for every meal? Chicken, rice, and broccoli. For every meal. Every day. It is not a diet - it is a worldview. Flavour is for people who are not serious about gains.

Why do gyms have so many mirrors? Officially, for checking form! Unofficially, because everyone at the gym wants to confirm their hard work is visible and the mirrors provide very useful ongoing evidence.

What is the gym relationship with cardio? Complicated! You hate it while doing it, feel excellent afterward, and convince yourself every session that you will learn to enjoy it. The enjoyment never arrives. You keep going.

What happens on rest day? You eat, sleep, and spend the entire day wondering if you should actually go to the gym. The guilt is worse than the workout. This is the intended design.

What is unsolicited advice at the gym? The greatest threat to any workout! You are minding your business and suddenly a stranger is explaining your form with confidence proportional to exactly how much you did not ask.