Robert Benchley Quotes

Most Famous Robert Benchley Quotes of All Time!

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Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings.

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.

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Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.

Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it,...

Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.

We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.

In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.

After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year.

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left ear from twirling around on it.

Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band coming up the street and not to have the impulse to rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk.

At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.

There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

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