Dave Barry Quotes

Most Famous Dave Barry Quotes of All Time!

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Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.

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My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.

The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.

We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around.

I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.

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