Arthur Smith Quotes

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Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.

Only the pun remains. The pun, beloved of Shakespeare, children and tabloid headline-writers, is normally eschewed in the modern, sophisticated circles in which I move.

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The pun exists in a social and political void, caring nothing for the issues of its day, content merely to display itself in its small cleverness.

A savage review is much more entertaining for the reader than an admiring one; the little misanthrope in each of us relishes the rubbishing of someone else.

The moon puts on an elegant show, different every time in shape, colour and nuance.

About every four years, someone says to me, 'I've got a friend who looks exactly like you.' What can you say to this?

It is more interesting to be compared to someone famous, because it lets you gauge what perceptions people have about your appearance.

It's the time of year when the literati give advice on what we should be reading on our summer holidays. These terrifying lists often leave me appalled at my own ignorance, but also suspicious about the pretension of their advocates.

My sister-in-law believes that few narratives are so tightly constructed that you can't skip boring bits and still keep abreast of what's going on.

After you've read a novel, you only retain a vague memory of its contents. You remember the atmosphere, the odd image or phrase or vivid cameo.

I read 'Crime and Punishment' years ago and don't recall the details of it, but I do retain a strong sense of the creeping paranoia and panic.

Listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1 is the most miserable thing any human being can do, but attending awards ceremonies isn't far behind.

It's worth turning up to an awards gig if you know you've won one but, since you never do know, it's not worth it.

Theatricals can be irritating, but will provide a better night out than mobile phone salespeople.

Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world.

I find it hilarious that there are academics who try to analyse chemical changes in the brains of students while exposing them to gags.

When they meet a stand-up comic, people sometimes remark: 'That must be the hardest job in the world.' Among comedians, only Freddie Starr is not embarrassed and slightly appalled by this remark.

I myself am pathetically impressed when I meet writers of very long novels. How can they spend so many hundreds of hours at the miserable, lonely pastime of creating fiction?

The book may be garbage, but if it weighs in at a kilo or more, I stand before its author in awe.

If you want to write something of length, however modern and radical, you must live the life of an elderly gentleman of the 1950s.

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