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Real friendship is when your best friend answers the phone at 3 a.m. and immediately says "who do I need to fight."

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What is rubber duck debugging? Why do pirates wear eye patches? Why do villains explain their plans? What is a government budget? What is detention? How does a lawyer handle their feelings? What does wind do to your hair? What takes longer than the workout itself? What is a portmanteau? I am always in front of you but cannot be seen.