Top 10 Bob Mortimer Quotes

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I worked in a chicken factory, in a steel foundry, I worked on the bins for a year or so. It started as a summer job, but I stayed on because I liked it very much. I liked it that it made you very fit, doing all the lifting and that, so I could wear short-sleeved t-shirts, which I'd never been able to do before!

When I was about 13, I went to see this band called Free, who I'd never heard, and I just fell in love with them. I found my heroes. I stood at the front with my chin on the stage.

My shyness probably defined the first 30 years of my life, really. It's a crippling thing. It can be very lonely knowing that you've got things to say, but you daren't say them.

I played for Middlesbrough's youth team. At the age of 16, I went into a shed at the training ground and was told that they weren't signing me on, so that was the end of that dream. Football was my life. I played football when I got to school, football every break and football as soon as I got home.

I've started to get iritis, which affects the eyes. But I'm not going to give in.

Other people just look so comfortable with a book in their hands - I never feel like that.

I hate dinner parties, you know, can't stand them. Friends don't bother inviting me any more, because they know I won't come. I could never think of anything to say between courses - it's a confidence thing, I suppose.

I love 'Big Brother.' I adore it. What can I say. It just suits me fine.

I like having something I can watch every single night. It suits my habits.

I saw Alan Davies on a show from the London Palladium and he did a nice routine about having kids or whatever. I couldn't do that.

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