Steve Allen Quotes

Most Famous Steve Allen Quotes of All Time!

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Many comedians and comedy writers have shared the childhood experience of learning to joke to protect themselves from neighborhood bullies when challenge or physical defense were not among the sensible options.

Do I ever get questions that are rude or impertinent? Yes, but I love to use them. The audience immediately perceives the emotional awkwardness of the situation.

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I was in sixth grade the first time I was required to speak in front of an audience. I had terrible stage fright and felt quite ill, in fact, by the time I had to give my little talk to...

If we do not know what humor is, that may be because we do not know what humankind is.

We will take almost any kind of criticism except the observation that we have no sense of humor.

Much of the best humor is found in the frequently tragic reality of human experience.

Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar.

The hair is real - it's the head that's a fake.

Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots.

Ours is a government of checks and balances. The Mafia and crooked businessmen make out checks, and the politicians and other compromised officials improve their bank balances.

Totalitarianism is patriotism institutionalized.

In a rational society we would want our presidents to be teachers. In our actual society we insist they be cheerleaders.

If there is a God, the phrase that must disgust him is - holy war.

If the Old Testament were a reliable guide in the matter of capital punishment, half the people in the United States would have to be killed tomorrow.

Dark energy is perhaps the biggest mystery in physics.

I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how I lost my mind.

One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them do not exist except in our imaginations.

I personally find it difficult to accept that there could be anyone on earth insensitive to the comic abilities of Laurel and Hardy, Sid Caesar, Woody Allen, Mel Brooks, or Martin Short. But no matter who the comic entertainer is,...

In those of us who have the mysterious ability to amuse others, it is usually the case that even before we were aware of our own abilities, we had become practiced at laughing more than other children in our social...

It often seems that, for whatever strange reasons, comedians, in addition to their formal performances, have more comic experiences in real life than other people do.

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