Paul Merton Quotes

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I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your...

My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.

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On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't he said, 'Do you mind if I mug you here?'.

Am I allowed to call myself working-class now? Because obviously I'm now very rich.

I remember being fascinated by the very nature of comedy from the age of 10; why is this funny, and that isn't?

I looked at longevity in show business when I was about 13, and the people who seemed to have longevity were the ones who'd spent quite a bit of time learning about what they were doing before they made it.

I really don't take any interest at all in contemporary comedy.

I've never been disappointed by politicians. I've never invested that much in them in the first place.

I don't always vote in general elections, but I think I've always voted Labour.

Well, sanity, I suppose, is getting people to see the world your way.

When I wake up on a Monday morning and I realise I don't have to go and work at the civil service, I really think I've won.

And like the old stereotype, I overcame my shyness by making my friends laugh.

I think having an outsider's viewpoint is interesting and good, especially for a comedian.

When I was nine I spent a lot of my time reading books about the history of comedy, or listening to the Goons or Hancock, humour from previous generations.

In fact, I don't watch a lot of contemporary comedy for fear of being influenced by it.

I was trying to organise my DVDs into a sort of chronological order, and I am afraid that it all trailed off after the Sixties.

The thing about improvisation is that it's not about what you say. It's listening to what other people say. It's about what you hear.

When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them.

All disc jockeys are without talent. Noel Edmonds - I can't stand Noel Edmonds.

In 1986, I was attacked in the street as I helped Neil Mullarkey from the Comedy Store Players to put up posters. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time - midnight - and we were English. I...

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