Milton Berle Quotes

Most Famous Milton Berle Quotes of All Time!

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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.

Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.

I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

Like every comedian, if I heard a joke that I thought would work, I used it.

People say I owe a lot to television. The fact is I was a star long before television. What TV made me is unemployed.

I received a lot of complaints from parents who wrote and told me that their kids wouldn't go to sleep until our show was over. So I went on the air and told all the children watching to 'listen to their Uncle Miltie and go to bed right after the show.'

There's a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer.

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

They've finally comes up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places.

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