Michelle Wolf Quotes

Most Famous Michelle Wolf Quotes of All Time!

We have created a collection of some of the best michelle-wolf quotes so you can read and share anytime with your friends and family. Share our Top 10 Michelle Wolf Quotes on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

Popular Quotes Topics for You.

As a woman, I have access to hit women in a way that men might not be able to hit them with jokes. I don't mean physically hit. But you know, because I'm a woman, I can say things about women because I know what it's like to be a woman, if that makes any sense.

I would love to be a dad. There are plenty of comedians who have kids. But they're dads. Being a dad is so different from being a mom.

A good joke can work in New York and Kentucky.

I always almost miss my flight. My routine is to constantly, no matter how bad or good the traffic is, to almost miss my flight.

When I'm on the road, I eat like I'm on the third day of a hiking trip all the time. I'm eating beef jerky and trail mix constantly.

I think I'm a good joke writer. I'm also very scared that the last joke I wrote is the last joke I'll ever write.

The more confident I am, the more daring I am.

People can be successful for a short period of time, but only a handful of people are successful for decades.

Writing and telling jokes is my favorite thing to do, and I want to be able to do that forever.

Some comedy has turned into, 'Donald Trump's bad, isn't he?' That's a true statement. But where is your joke?

Honestly, I never really thought I'd be a comedian. But I did take an aptitude test in seventh grade - and this is 100 percent true - I took an aptitude test in seventh grade, and it said in my best profession was a clown or a mime.

Before comedy, I worked at a tech company, and before that, I worked on Wall Street. And, honestly, I've never really been sexually harassed.

A lot of people want Trump to be impeached. I do not. Because just when you think Trump is awful, you remember Mike Pence. Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn't gay.

Mike Pence is the kind of guy that brushes his teeth and then drinks orange juice and thinks, 'Mmm.'

Watching Rachel Maddow is like going to Target. You went in for milk, but you left with shampoo, candles, and the entire history of the Byzantine Empire. 'I didn't need this.'

Republicans are easy to make fun of.

The most useful information on CNN is when Anthony Bourdain tells me where to eat noodles.

We cannot forget about Rachel Maddow. She is the Peter Pan of MSNBC. But instead of never growing up, she never gets to the point.

I don't want to be in a relationship for the same reason I don't want a kid: I don't want anything in my life to be more important than me.

The jig is up: I'm not a nice lady.

I am a feminist.

Guys, we are trying to share Unique Michelle Wolf Quotes, so you will not get to read the same things again and again on our website. You can also share your favorites on Facebook or send them to a friend who loves to reading quotes.