Johnny Carson Quotes

Most Famous Johnny Carson Quotes of All Time!

We have created a collection of some of the best johnny-carson quotes so you can read and share anytime with your friends and family. Share our Top 10 Johnny Carson Quotes on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

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When turkeys mate they think of swans.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

We're more effective than birth control pills.

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

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Speeches: Leadership, Motivational, Welcome, Thank You, Retirement, Children's Day, Graduation, Independence Day, Teacher's Day, Farewell