George Carlin Quotes

Most Famous George Carlin Quotes of All Time!

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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Think off-center.

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