Garrison Keillor Quotes

Most Famous Garrison Keillor Quotes of All Time!

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I talk in subjects and verbs, and sort of wind around in concentric circles until I get far enough away from the beginning so that I can call it the end, and it ends.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

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Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

I want to resume the life of a shy person.

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.'

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.

The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

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