Fran Lebowitz Quotes

Most Famous Fran Lebowitz Quotes of All Time!

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In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

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I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?

Nothing succeeds like address.

Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.

Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.

I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

Polite conversation is rarely either.

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

You're only as good as your last haircut.

I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a...

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

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