Fran Lebowitz Quotes

Most Famous Fran Lebowitz Quotes of All Time!

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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.

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Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they...

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

If you're going to America, bring your own food.

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.

Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

My favorite animal is steak.

When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.

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