Erma Bombeck Quotes

Most Famous Erma Bombeck Quotes of All Time!

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What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

God created man, but I could do better.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

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