Elayne Boosler Quotes

Most Famous Elayne Boosler Quotes of All Time!

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I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.

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You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

I've thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the...

A study last year showed that the page you turn to first in the newspaper can be a predictor of how long you will live. No surprise, turning first to the Comics Pages prolongs your life.

I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots.

I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and...

I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.

Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, 'I don't have these recipes.'

When I was growing up in comedy, there were maybe 10 comics in the whole country. Everyone had a day job. You worked free for years in little clubs, then you got your big break and became a star.

I've never been able to write for stand-up.

I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.

I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of very opinionated politics I get away with.

I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It's the best way to see a city.

My family was totally non-religious. There was no question we were Jewish, but we were not observant.

I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.

San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people.

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