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Burglar Quotes

Sharp lines on thieves, alarms, and second thoughts.

These burglar quotes turn late-night break-ins and screeching alarms into clever one-liners, including a memorable joke comparing a career-shift ex-burglar working for the government to a career change into hosting a talk show. For related musings on retreat, see Back quotes.

Too often, the opportunity knocks, but by the time you push back the chain, push back the bolt, unhook the two locks and shut off the burglar alarm, it's too late.

Quotes by Rita Coolidge

Even a burglar hesitates to go back for more.

Quotes by Isoroku Yamamoto

If I can go from burglar for the government to talk show host, you can go from entertainer to congressman.

Quotes by G. Gordon Liddy

I have an unconscious burglar living in my mind: If I read something, it's mine. I can read Middle English stories, Geoffrey Chaucer or Sir Thomas Malory, but once I start moving in the direction of contemporary fantasy, my mind...

Quotes by David Eddings

Back Quotes

I have an unconscious burglar living in my mind: If I read something, it's mine.

Quotes by David Eddings

One time, a burglar came to my apartment, so we called the police. My son was here, so I think they left before they tried to steal something. So the police come to my apartment, and they say, 'Oh my...

Quotes by Carine Roitfeld

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?

Quotes by Bill Maher

If I heard a noise at night, I'd think there was a burglar sneaking around; the first thing I'd do was check on my guitar.

Quotes by Angus Young

Frequently Asked Questions

What kind of burglar quotes are included in this collection?
This collection blends dry humor and real-life caution about break-ins, from the tension of disabling a burglar alarm before it's too late to a self-deprecating joke about going from petty burglar to celebrity.
Are these quotes meant to be funny or serious?
Most lean comedic, like the line about even a burglar hesitating to go back for more, though a few use burglary as a metaphor for how memory or ideas can be quietly taken.
Is there a quote here about stealing ideas rather than objects?
Yes, one quote describes an 'unconscious burglar' living in the mind, capturing how anything read can start to feel like it was always yours - a clever spin on borrowing versus stealing.
Why do burglar quotes often mention alarms and locks?
Because the everyday ritual of chains, bolts, and alarms is what makes a break-in feel real; several quotes here play with that split-second gap between security and vulnerability.
Where can I find more quotes about caution and retreat?
Check out Back quotes for more lines on retreating or returning, a theme that pairs naturally with the burglar's habit of slipping away unseen.

Whether it's fumbling with locks and chains before a burglar strikes or a writer's confession about borrowing ideas like an unconscious thief, this collection finds humor in larceny. Pair it with Direction quotes for where these lines lead, or Even quotes for more understated wit.