Albert Brooks Quotes

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Bullfights are hugely popular because you can sit comfortably with a hot dog and possibly watch a man die. It won't be me, but I can sit comfortably and watch it.

I come from the place where I am thinking 'I have put my blood on the pages.'

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I'd still like to see 'Survivor' minus the planned show-biz parts. That would be the purest form of show business - I want to see someone so hungry that they eat somebody else's foot.

If we had 3 million exhibitionists and only one voyeur, nobody could make any money.

I'm not interesting enough on my own that you'd want to see a film about me.

It's better to be known by six people for something you're proud of than by 60 million for something you're not.

When I die, if the word 'thong' appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I've screwed up.

I was in Kashmir last weekend. Went to visit one of my sweaters.

Even if you didn't see the movie, you'd see two words you'd never seen put together before - comedy and Muslim. Comedy is friendly - it's the least offensive word in our language.

When I went to acting school, the kids that got the best grades were the kids that could cry on cue. But it didn't really translate into careers for any of them, because the external is the easy part.

I've been to many funerals of funny people, and they're some of the funniest days you'll ever have, because the emotions run high.

When I was younger, I wasn't concentrating on good days. I was managing a career and trying to have a good year. It would always 'lead' to something, which never leads to anything except death, where everything leads to. And...

I guess 'The Player' was a pretty good L.A. movie. And 'Chinatown.' Was there ever a better L.A. movie about a certain period in L.A.? That was terrific.

I never wanted to be a director.

I had a very wise person tell me that he thinks marriage, when you're younger, you keep thinking you can fix things. That's what people do. And you can't really fix anything. It shouldn't be a massive difficult thing every...

You know, when cameras are rolling, improvisation doesn't feel natural. The pressure is too great. You're on a time schedule. You've got 60 crewmen.

Listen, there are some movies that are set in stone and the writer or the director does not want to change, but I've never worked on a movie, including my own, that didn't take advantage of a rehearsal process.

If you look at the best-seller list for American fiction, they're all sequels to detective stories or stories about hunting serial killers. That's what's called American fiction these days.

Twitter is the Devil's playground.

It's interesting when you're part of a group - the Jews, to be exact - that the world has had such problems with.

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