Dennis Miller Quotes

Most Famous Dennis Miller Quotes of All Time!

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A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away.

I lapsed into rude.

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I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy.

One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.

Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.

Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet.

It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity.

Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian.

We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.

Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.

America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.

Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living.

The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.

Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge.

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