Dennis Miller Quotes

Most Famous Dennis Miller Quotes of All Time!

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I rant, therefore I am.

The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.

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A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.

President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.

Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?

What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.

If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.

What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and...

Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a...

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on.

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