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You never want to just be outrageous for outrageous' sake 'cause then it doesn't work, and it's not believable. You want to be as true to whatever character you're playing.
People who drive slow in the left lane on the highway! Are you kidding me? Don't you see everybody passing you, honking and flipping you off? It's not because everyone else is crazy, it's because you're driving slow in the fast lane, you jerk! OMG! It makes me crazy!
I am one of those guys that's an optimist. I am always optimistic. I don't know how you can be any other way.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but if you're not constantly craving breakfast every second of every day, you're not a real American. Y'know what, let's throw the Canadians in there, too.
I like boysenberry. I have no idea what it is. And it sounds like poison - which is terrifying - but you can't hold a name against a flavor. If you did that, everyone would hate Crunchberries.
Just take yourself back to September 2001. As that month went on, and as that autumn unrolled, everybody wanted to do something. How can I help? Do you want my blood? Do you want money for the victims? I was a captain in the Marine Corps. I knew what I could do. I was right there. I was ready. I saw it. I moved the rubble with my own hands.
A lot of people think, 'Oh, you made 'SNL.' You're set. You're good.' No. All there is gigs, and you go from one gig to another. And hopefully you get a good gig, and it lasts for a while, and you get good work and people remember it, and you have good memories of it.
Honestly, I just keep my nose to the grindstone and keep working. At the end of the day, that's usually one of those things that's going to get you ahead.
I try not to worry about what that's going to look like. If you worry about looking stupid, that's when you look really stupid.
You'd think if anyone could charm America into caring about the evening news, it would be Katie Couric, the Tri Delt from Virginia who became America's sweetheart on the 'Today' show. But her ratings have been dismal - she comes in last place every week.
You can hear the Celtic heartbeat all over Europe and America, from Bing Crosby to Jack White, from the Smiths to My Bloody Valentine, from House of Pain to Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.
Do you believe in Madonna? Because Lady Gaga has got something to say about 'Express Yourself,' and she's turned Madonna's fourth-best single of 1989 into her own instant-classic club anthem, 'Born This Way.'
It goes without saying that 'Buncha Losers' comedies speak to tough times. The massive unemployment of the Reagan years gave us 'Taxi,' 'Cheers' and the genre-defining 'Night Court,' a show you could never admit to watching without making people feel sorry for you.
When Ke$ha tries to rap like L'Trimm, she sounds like any ordinary lonely teenage girl stuck in a nowhere town, singing along to her radio and dreaming of a party where she's the star. Ke$ha's greatness is that in her voice, you can hear both the loser girl and the star. All hail the Queen of Noi$e!
Every now and then, Prince decides to try being a normal rock star. You know, the kind who does a professional arena tour where he plays the hits. But part of what makes him such an eternally fascinating star is that he lives in his own private purple world, even when he sets out to make the house quake.
'So You Think You Can Dance' comes on as a high-minded leap up the evolutionary ladder from other reality shows - on this one, you're supposed to learn something, and the guest judges are fellow dance professionals rather than actual celebrities.
Like most fans of 'So You Think You Can Dance,' I wouldn't know a pasodoble if it beat me with a rake.
Ronnie Spector's hair was taller and meaner and scarier than all four Shangri-La's combined, plus the drummer from the Honeycombs. You just know her rat-tail comb was a switchblade.
In their heyday, the Pet Shop Boys were the Interpol of the Eighties, dressing up to sing really weird pop songs about lust and loneliness in the big city. They're low-pro now, not retro-worshipped in the manner of Depeche Mode, New Order, or The Cure, but you can hear the reason why - these guys are too sad.
People who wave digital cameras at shows are the same people who sit in front of you at hockey games and wear those giant foam-rubber fingers that say, We're number one!'
Thank you for the music, Sleater-Kinney. This gang of three was the best American punk rock band ever. Ever.
One nice thing about growing up Catholic is it makes you open-minded about other people's religions, since ours is nuttier than yours.
I will always love the Clash, because I loved them so much when I was fourteen, and I love how you can start a conversation with almost literally any dude about the Clash.
For me, as an executive, I never tried to be something else. You pick up things from the Clive Davis and Sean Combs of the world, but you have to do it in your own way.
In a weird way, 'Veronica Mars' was my reaction to 'Freaks and Geeks' because 'Freaks and Geeks' was the show I wanted to write, the one I wanted to create, where there was no gimmick; you didn't have to have a teenage private eye. It was just these beautiful small stories about real kids.
I always just wanted to write and maybe direct. I'm really only interested in that. And yet the business that I'm in has forced me into being a salesman - that's the last thing that 17-year-old me would imagine I'd end up being. I'm uncomfortable trying to sell anything, but that's what you're doing every time you walk into a pitch.
I think there are people, and I do not mean this to be disparaging, there are people like Jay Mohr and Jeremy Piven where they just give you that vibe, 'This guy's going to play someone a little venal.'
Having written both comedy and drama, comedy's harder because the fear of failure's so much stronger. When you write a scene and you see it cut together, and it doesn't make you laugh, it hurts in a way that failed drama doesn't. Failed drama, it's all, 'That's not that compelling,' but failed comedy just lays there.
On 'Dawson's Creek,' those kids were supposed to be outsider kids - you know, wrong-side-of-the-track kids, weirdo kids. And I just felt like there's no universe out there where Katie Holmes isn't the prom queen, hottest girl in school.
Don't accept what's out there because that is all that's out there. Look for the new and unusual. Seek out what you genuinely want to read and don't settle.
In front of millions of people that paid to see you at your best, who expect you to be in action-figure shape and condition on that particular night for that moment, you've got to deliver.
When I started out, there were many different companies... you could leave and go to a different territory, and there were so many different styles. What we have now is WWE has survived the test of time, and all the other companies have fallen off the face of the earth.
If you're not in the WWE and bouncing around in the Indy shows, you're not with the best.
If you like a story that's totally different and won't know which way it's going... where it's go ing to end up and which way it's going to take you, then I think my work fits the bill.
If you'd rather go to the football game than read a comic, that's fine. I'd rather do both.
The first thing you need to run for President is a budget of around $20 million dollars a day.
Do you think states' rights would have disappeared if state legislatures still elected our United States senators? Do you think our United States senators would be difficult to contact if they were named by our state legislatures?
When I hear that I realize how quickly time passes and how everybody goes on their journeys and they're always unbelievable and they never go where you think they're going to take you and, quite frankly, it also makes me feel a little old.
What's gratifying about West Wing is that everybody told us that it couldn't be done - that the man or woman on the street didn't care about politics. But if you set things up correctly, people don't have a problem with it.
Show me someone who doesn't have some sort of experience that they would be uncomfortable for people to know about and I'll show you a dullard.
I've come to really like Twitter. You really do get to see what I'm about, and I like sharing with my fans.
I like the way you can circumvent the media gatekeepers and go right to the people. That's my favorite thing about Twitter.
You'd be surprised how cold you get in the water, especially surfing a place like Pipeline. If the tradewinds are blowing, it gets chilly and sometimes you don't catch a wave for an hour.
There's a certain logic to avoiding the haters, but as a strategy, it's utterly flawed. When you turn off the feedback, you lose the benefits as well as the drawbacks. It's like having a sore finger and cutting off your arm.
One of the great joys of launching your idea on the web is that it's a meritocracy. The good stuff will rise to the top and find an audience, and you don't have to impress one idiosyncratic commissioning editor.
My wife - an ex journalist and current TV producer - has a rule that she taught me at the start of B3ta. Does the item make you laugh, or does it make you go, 'Oh my God?' If you score on either count, then you have something that is worth sharing.
The difference between you and the funny person on TV is that they acted on their ideas.
The scariest part to any story is the sliver of truth you hide in the horror. Sometimes its not about the axe wielding murder, but the fact that he's lurking somewhere in your basement. Sure, you keep telling yourself that you'll replace the burnt out light every week.
Sometimes a game comes at just the right moment in your life. 'Flower' is beautiful, serene, and a bit of sunshine in a gloomy world. I remember going through a rough spot in my life and turning on 'Flower' for a little break in the day. You fly through luscious landscapes collecting petals and painting the world with life.
I think people have come to know me, and I don't deviate too much as an individual. What you see is what you get.
As a director, you should choose a project that will educate you and enrich your life, because you're going to be doing it for two years.
My last show that I did on Broadway was - I hate to say this, but - 'Cats.' There you go. So I was doing 'Cats' on Broadway, and I injured my back. It was a really tough show.
When movement isn't enough, you dance, or when speaking isn't enough, you sing. When it's organic, and it's earned like that in a musical, that's when it works, and then there's nothing like it because it's this thing that takes you to a whole 'nother level, you know?
Film is a living, breathing thing. It's very delicate, and you have to listen and watch for what it tells you.
I always feel on film you have to earn a ballad, because it's a different kind of pace.
I'm not a writer, although, as a filmmaker, you are an author in a certain way.
The very first audition, you just go in and sing. The second one, they give you this sort of cheapy, Walmart-looking puppet - before they give you the $6,500 'Avenue Q' puppet.
If you think hard enough about it, Rowlf the dog playing the piano on 'The Muppet Show' - what kind of insanity was happening underneath the cameras to make that happen? His mouth is moving, and he's got two hands playing the piano. That's two people under there!
I never dreamed that the little ditties I wrote about annoying customers or bagel recipes would turn into a full-length musical comedy. But a very wise person told me to 'write what you know'. So I did.
I would advise young aspiring theater artists to do as many shows as possible. It doesn't matter if it's in the basement of a church, in school, or in community theater. Do them wherever you can; big parts or small, it doesn't matter.
I would say that Pixar is doing for animation what Chaplin did for film, infusing it with heart and characters that you care about and stories that you lose yourself in. They are similar revolutionaries and changing a medium.
Regardless of your metabolism, if you stop consuming so many calories, you will lose weight.
If anything, when you're in your late 20s, early 30s, and then mid-30s, you're getting less attractive.
I feel like it's a dangerous and dark world if 'Sunny' becomes mainstream comedy. If you were to turn on CBS at 8 o'clock on Thursday and see an episode of 'It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia,' I don't know if I want to live in that world.
I recognize that as governor, my job is to sit on the other side of the table from the public sector unions and negotiate effectively on behalf of all the taxpayers of the state, including all of you.
You cannot simply put more money into the same system and get better results, so we will need to reform and innovate in the delivery of education.
You can study government and politics in school, but the best way to really understand the process is to volunteer your time.
The best way to appreciate our political process is to volunteer for a campaign and support a candidate you believe in.
You have to make a decision whether it's a new product or you integrate it with an existing product. It takes time to work these things out.
Dynamic typing is not necessarily good. You get static errors at run time, which you really should be able to catch at compile time.
You could have another downgrade. You could certainly have a stock market reaction that would be negative. And, I think nobody who looks at it objectively would want to happen.
Folks, do you agree with me that we cannot afford four more years of Barack Obama?
This is his solution: He said all we need to do is take your tax dollars, send them to Washington, have Washington take out its cut, having Washington then send it back to the states, have the states then go out and hire public employees. Does that make sense to you? Is that how to get the economy moving?
The TV ads have been coming hot and heavy in Ohio. I think the Obama campaign has outspent the Romney campaign by two-to-one or three-to-one, depending on the analysis you look at. People are tired of the attacks already, and here we are in July.
We shouldn't be debating whether to deal with the current code by allowing it to be extended or not. We should have a president who shows leadership and comes to Congress and says: 'You know what? We need to reform this whole tax code.'
President Obama has been attacking relentlessly. In 2008 he said that if you're out of fresh ideas you use stale tactics against your opponent - you try and make your opponent unacceptable and that's what he is trying to do.
When you tax capital gains income, you don't help the economy, you hurt the economy, which is why President Kennedy, President Reagan, President Clinton and President Bush all believed we should have a lower rate for capital gains.
If you can't even acknowledge that you have to fix Social Security, that's not a very good starting point.
If you focus on what people care about, you have ideas. And people are looking for solutions.
When you analyze all the data, there is a warming trend according to science. But the jury is out on the degree of how much is manmade.
What law enforcement will tell you is that in a terrorist act or even an act of people who are involved in crime, such as a drug gang, that they tend to get their weapons illegally.
I hope that the entire Senate votes to say that if you're on the terrorist watch list - not just the no-fly list, which is a much more targeted list, but the terrorist watch list - you should not be able to buy a weapon.
Some have said, 'Gosh, Donald Trump is going to hurt you.' Some have said, 'Gosh Donald Trump is going to help you.' He may be helpful in certain parts of Ohio, but I'm going to run my own campaign.
I touched an Oscar once. Friend of mine has one, for writing. As soon as I touched it, he said, Now you'll never win one.
Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.
The first year or so on The Daily Show is pretty intense in terms of travel. You're going to the worst places in the country, talking to the craziest people in the world.
You're encouraged to pitch your own story. That way, you'll have more control over what you do.
I want the No 1 spot. If you can't be the best player in the world then what's the point? If I had to settle on No 2 it wouldn't be good enough. I want to be the best.
Everything you get in life, you have to work hard for. And if you're not willing to get out of bed and work then you're not going to progress.
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