Whitney Cummings Quotes

Most Famous Whitney Cummings Quotes of All Time!

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I did some pretty embarrassing modeling, like catalogs and QVC. I know there's probably a stereotype where all pretty girls think they're unattractive, but modeling is the worst thing for your self-esteem, because you're never pretty enough, you're never thin...

I guess the verdict is in - I am not a sociopath. It's not effective or productive not to be nice. It would undermine the goals I want to achieve on any given day.

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I remember my agent at ICM at the beginning of my career telling me that I wasn't pretty enough, that I was always going to be a quirky sidekick. And he was an ogre of a man. He should have...

After school, I'd wait for someone to pick me up and no one would, so I'd be like, 'I guess I'll walk home.' I had to be a hustler, because nobody did anything for me.

I don't want to look at myself - ever. All I see is that my face is a problem. It's asymmetrical. I get terrible bags under my eyes.

I'm kind of emotionally dyslexic, and when I feel vulnerable or nervous, I laugh.

I wasn't one of those kids who stole Richard Pryor records. I wasn't a comedy-nerd kid. I had no concept of stand-up. Actually, the only inkling of stand-up I had was I read one of Paul Reiser's books when I...

I had a moment where I was onstage once... As a comedian, you just think, 'Be funny as possible all the time - like, funny at all costs - jokes, jokes, jokes.' That's how my mentality was.

I'd love to be Katherine Heigl's best friend in a movie!

The most dangerous place I've ever performed standup is in my home state of California.

Being known doesn't get you anywhere; it just makes the bar and the expectations higher, especially if the venue wants to charge a certain ticket price because you're known. So people are like, 'I paid $60 to see you, and...

I've been making fun of Donald Trump - we all have - for 10 years, and just bringing up his name... I mean, even if you're supportive of Donald Trump, there's still a lot to make fun of.

In my business, you have so many things going at once - TV shows, projects, movies - and sometimes, things never actually come to fruition.

I feel really trapped as a comedian - someone who is supposed to be funny and light, making jokes all the time. But I'm actually in this inauthentic armor.

I wrote a 'Lenny Letter' on a whim, and it felt indulgent, but people came up to me with tears in their eyes saying, 'Thank you.' There's so much shame about mental illness in our country and so many stereotypes...

We're socially constructed to hide our flaws, and that breeds pain for a lot of people.

Stand-up. It's the only place I'm comfortable.

The indie movie world is like a bad Tinder date, and there are always strings attached.

One of the big conversations I'm trying to have onstage right now is that to be pro-woman, you don't have to be anti-man. Saying all men suck makes you look like an idiot. And it's not helpful.

I have a theory, which is that the idea of a roast is to go to this forbidden, uncomfortable, almost performance-art-level shock place, but because we're so regularly shocked and offended today, the idea of an hour and a half...

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