Tim Vine Quotes

Most Famous Tim Vine Quotes of All Time!

We have created a collection of some of the best tim-vine quotes so you can read and share anytime with your friends and family. Share our Top 10 Tim Vine Quotes on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

Popular Quotes Topics for You.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

Guys, we are trying to share Unique Tim Vine Quotes, so you will not get to read the same things again and again on our website. You can also share your favorites on Facebook or send them to a friend who loves to reading quotes.