Russell Baker Quotes

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Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.

Reporters thrive on the world's misfortune. For this reason they often take an indecent pleasure in events that dismay the rest of humanity.

An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong.

The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday.

In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to be in love with somebody else is an admission of unfaithfulness to one's beloved.

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.

Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.

People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.

People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.

The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

In America, it is sport that is the opiate of the masses.

Objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

You can't enjoy light verse with a heavy heart.

When it comes to cars, only two varieties of people are possible - cowards and fools.

What the New Yorker calls home would seem like a couple of closets to most Americans, yet he manages not only to live there but also to grow trees and cockroaches right on the premises.

Poetry is so vital to us until school spoils it.

Live by publicity, you'll probably die by publicity.

I gave up on new poetry myself 30 years ago when most of it began to read like coded messages passing between lonely aliens in a hostile world.

Caution: These verses may be hazardous to your solemnity.

Anticipating that most poetry will be worse than carrying heavy luggage through O'Hare Airport, the public, to its loss, reads very little of it.

Americans like fat books and thin women.

Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.

In America nothing dies easier than tradition.

It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.

Children rarely want to know who their parents were before they were parents, and when age finally stirs their curiosity, there is no parent left to tell them.

Situation comedy on television has thrived for years on 'canned' laughter, grafted by gaglines by technicians using records of guffawing audiences that have been dead for years.

Few expected very much of Franklin Roosevelt on Inauguration Day in 1933. Like Barack Obama seventy-six years later, he was succeeding a failed Republican president, and Americans had voted for change. What that change might be Roosevelt never clearly said, probably because he himself didn't know.

Roosevelt's declaration that Americans had 'nothing to fear but fear itself' was a glorious piece of inspirational rhetoric and just as gloriously wrong.

It was clear soon after his election that Obama, like FDR, wanted to start dealing with the economic crisis immediately after his inauguration.

Listen once in a while. It's amazing what you can hear.

It's good for the soul to hear yourself as others hear you, and next time maybe, just maybe, you will not talk so much, so loudly, so brilliantly, so charmingly, so utterly shamelessly foolishly.

When sudden death takes a president, opportunities for new beginnings flourish among the ambitious and the tensions among such people can be dramatic, as they were when President Kennedy was killed.

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