Pat Paulsen Quotes

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I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.

All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.

If elected, I will win.

Will I obliterate national debt? Sure, why not?

Should we continue to spend billions to subsidize foreign military dictatorships, or should we concentrate on taking better care of the one we have right here at home?

I will not claim I will solve all the world's problems by myself. If I did, I'd have to run as a Republican or a Democrat.

The last few years of my life have been a little like a long ride in a Poop de Ville with the bottom down.

So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye.

I once told Tommy Smothers, 'If I could just get the money and the women straightened out, the rest of my life would be easy.'

Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with the system, and that system is Richard Nixon.

It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.

We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and, of course, the boogieman.

Yeah, I'm running for the White House again. Well, it's not a run, really; it's sort of a brisk walk.

I've been on the campaign trail so long, some of my wine has turned to vinegar.

Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it.

You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check.

I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show.

We must remember that as the centuries go by, time will pass.

The Clinton Administration has turned out to be a boon. I knew that he would be wonderful, I just knew it from the beginning. From Arkansas? Shoot.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

As I've always said: The future lies ahead.

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