Lewis Grizzard Quotes

Most Famous Lewis Grizzard Quotes of All Time!

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Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.

Show business is my life.

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wiggle out of one.

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

I write 200 columns a year, you know. That means I have to have 200 opinions a year. Sometimes, I don't give a damn one way or the other, but that's my job, so I got to take a side.

'Redneck' has been terribly abused as a term. Where I come from, a redneck was a farmer who worked the fields all day and got his neck sunburned. People made fun of them.

Things are more complex today, and I think humor has changed a a great deal. People are more sensitive today.

I gave 738 Rotary Club speeches, and it was just driving me crazy, so someone said, 'Why don't you charge money?'

I went last week to get hypnotized. To quit smoking. And the hypnotist said, 'The reason you smoke is you're bitter and depressed.' No, the reason I smoke is the little sucker tastes so good.

I'm a staunch believer in enterprise, and I'm glad I live in a country where - I don't think some people understand this, but if I work hard, I get rewarded for it.

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