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John Oliver Quotes

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The disconnect between America and its military is shocking.

My family are from Liverpool, so I have some twang there - I have a Midlands accent, and I was raised about an hour north of London, so my voice is a mess. Although, to American ears, it sounds like the crisp language of a queen's butler.

People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on 'The Daily Show'... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor.

There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can't hurt you anymore when you've been completely dismantled.

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.

I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.

I get nostalgic for British negativity. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. When you go back to Britain, everybody is just running everything down. It's like whatever the opposite of a hug is.

There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that.

It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be.

People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.

In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying; you want to project your jokes into their face. And that's really not a good instinct with a 'Daily Show' field piece, where it's supposed to be an interview.

I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.

I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.

If I wanted to take a more activist or journalistic slant in work, I should probably just go be an activist or a journalist. But I'm happy being a comedian.

I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.

The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked.

When you're dealing with serious subjects, there is a pressure to be absolutely sure that you know what you're doing.

I would hate to meet myself at 15.

I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything.

You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.

Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had.

I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead.

It was probably years before I was confident enough in stand-up that I was able to talk about the things I wanted to talk about, the way I wanted to talk about them.

You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well.

I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show', I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson.

You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.'

The only thing I'm nervous about is talking to guests like human beings, because all of my interviews so far have been attacking people. I have a genuine concern about sitting across from an actor whose movies I obviously haven't seen.

Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can.

The British media is sinking down, as the American news media has lowered the bar for all of humanity. British news media is definitely trying to stoop down to that level. Everyone is stooping to the lowest common denominator.

Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England, it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.

I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.

I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.

People are friendlier in New York than London.

You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting.

It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.

I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy.

When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery.

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