Jim Jefferies Quotes

Most Famous Jim Jefferies Quotes of All Time!

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You've got to gamble on yourself. If you don't, no one else is going to. It's very hard when you're poor to turn down money. When you've got money, it's easy. When you're poor, you need money today. People take...

I go to the fanciest restaurants in the world and try them out. I like to see these chefs that are wizards do their thing. I like two types of food: cheap fast food - In-N-Out Burger, Taco Bell, stuff...

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I used to watch everybody's stuff, but I found I would get slightly influenced by the other comics. I try to avoid it now.

I have an uncle I no longer talk to because of a joke I made about my grandmother, who is his mother. He's an 80-year-old man upset about a woman who died 15 years ago.

I never do a whole new set of new material. I do one new joke at a time, and I wedge it in between two good jokes. Or if it's a long story, I don't do it in L.A. or...

I just eat half portions, do cardio every day.

I used to be of the opinion that it didn't matter who you voted for. The world balanced itself out and kept on truckin'. Which is true, but politics are still important.

I don't think you're ever going to be truly successful if everyone likes you.

There's a fallacy with stand up comedy, which is, people come up to comedians, and they go, 'You say what I think but I'm not brave enough to say,' and that's not particularly true.

What comedy does, for the most part, is it voices something so simplistically that people will agree with us, and then once you agree with something, you go, 'That's what I think.' So what you're trying to do is try...

Comedy comes out of everyone's worst day. No one writes a sitcom episode about everyone having a good day. It's always about someone being locked out of their house or someone being dumped or whatever.

The difference between comedians and the general public is that we are meant to be funnier. And when you've got politicians giving material so easy that the general public is doing it, what is the necessity of us anymore?

I always thought I was a good person, a decent person. I never harassed anyone or touched anyone. And you say to yourself , 'Oh, that's good enough,' but yes, I had certain jokes that I always assumed the audience...

I still like to shock, but the jokes are less sexist. It's just that, at one point in my stories, there was some sense of pride, some enthusiasm, and now I'm just embarrassed by myself.

After I had money, I realized about all that all the things I thought I wanted that I don't need a lot of stuff. If there's anything I get excited by, it's a nice car.

A lot of my stand-up early on was stories from my childhood. And my childhood is over - there's not new childhood stories to come. They've all been mentioned.

I've actually phased out the misogynistic jokes because I used to think that everyone knew that I was joking.

You can't worry too much about what you think the audience wants to hear. You just have to hope that you're a likeable enough person that what you're saying will relate to other people, so they can laugh at it...

I can go into New York and sell out a theatre, but I didn't have to fight my way to get there: I was already a made man from television. I sold out a theatre in London without any TV...

When I was 23, I didn't have much of an interest in politics. All of my interests were in partying and meeting girls and doing stand-up. That's all I cared about. Now, when you have a kid and stuff, you...

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