Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

Most Famous Jerry Seinfeld Quotes of All Time!

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Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

We've fallen into a trap of ever-widening orbits of contact, and there is a total disregard for the present moment.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.

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