Jen Lancaster Quotes

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When you think about a drill sergeant, a drill sergeant expects you to perform your best, and if you don't, they're going to stay on you until you do.

Here's a bit of Discovery Channel for you - apples don't last forever. They can stay fresh for a long time, especially when refrigerated, but definitely not from December into the month of March.

I had been terrified of Halloween my entire adult life. Loved it as a kid, but the minute I got out of college, there were little kids at my door demanding candy, which, No. 1, I couldn't afford, and, No. 2, if I had candy, it would be mine.

I learned to speak Italian, somewhat. Definitely enough to get around in Italy. My grandfather always used to swear at my grandmother in Italian.

Just as I got older, I think I've become more and more conservative.

Now with social media, people essentially come into my living room, my virtual living room, and tell me everything that is wrong with me.

Writing was something I always liked, but it wasn't a career until I was laid off from my executive position in my 30s. I started a website because I was bored, unemployed and angry.

Once I was unemployed and didn't have money, you can't just go to dinner. The onus is on you to learn to cook... I learned how important the right equipment is.

For me, my party views don't advance my narrative. Until I can find a way to write political satire like my idols Christopher Buckley or P.J. O'Rourke, I'll simply say what team I play for and leave it at that.

I guess my most prized pop culture possession is a signed first edition of the book 'Fight Club' by Chuck Palahniuk.

If I had kids, I'd probably be way over-protective, researching everything they begged to see to make sure the content was appropriate.

Humor's an excellent way to make a point more palatable and/or relatable.

You know how it's almost impossible for kids to not say what they think? That's me. I have to make the conscious effort to be situationally appropriate.

If I were to run for president, then people would debate the pros and cons of what's wrong with me in increasingly aggressive 140 character tweets and Facebook status updates, and, inevitably, everyone would end up fighting.

You can't all of a sudden go to sleep one night and wake up Martha Stewart. It's bit by bit by bit.

Everyone who reads me is someone I'd like to hang out with.

I believe that I have such a vanilla life.

I'm such a fangirl when it comes to other writers. I read 250 books a year, and I'm always talking up books by other authors.

Writing is something that I've always loved. That stems from my love of being a reader.

I've always been able to cook Italian food. That's in my blood because I'm half Sicilian.

No matter how happy anyone is with their choices, I believe it's human nature to wonder about the path not taken.

I'm very detail oriented. I think that's why people enjoy my memoirs - because I tend to remember everything.

In real life, I tend to yell at people a lot. Not because I'm bossy or mean, but because I'm frustrated.

I think people tend to be very myopic and they don't understand how their actions impact others.

I never ever, ever say anything against my husband to anyone except my husband. Everyone gets in fights, and I think the natural propensity for women is, 'Oh I want to talk to someone.' But the minute you take what bothers you outside the bond between you and your husband, you let someone else into the relationship and that causes a wedge.

Expressing political opinion can be a powerful way to establish a character's voice when writing fiction.

As a reader, I notice political views regardless of whether or not the book is fiction. What annoys me is when said views do nothing to advance the narrative.

I'm a humor writer, so I don't always present myself in the best light.

The Tao of Jen was very much the Tao of hiding everything that didn't look good. The Tao of Jen is wearing a cocktail dress with underwear with holes in it. The Tao of Jen is all style and no substance.

I like Oprah. I could sit around and make vision boards all day, but I wouldn't actually get anything done if I were to concentrate on my feelings rather than doing.

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