Hasan Minhaj Quotes

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Even the president is not beyond the reach of the First Amendment.

Free speech is the foundation of an open and liberal democracy from college campuses to the White House.

'CNN Tonight' should just be called 'Wait a second! Now hold on! Stop yelling at each!' with Don Lemon.

New Brown America represents a whole generation of kids that are descendants of either immigrants or immigrants themselves, that are coming to America, enriching what it means to be an American.

People still assume the White House Correspondents' Association works for the White House, when in reality, it's a group of journalists who cover the White House. It's a branding thing, but because it has the 'White House' before it, people think they're just King Joffrey's goons.

Donald Trump does not touch alcohol, which is really respectable. But think about that. That means every statement, every interview, every tweet - completely sober.

The news is best when it's serious.

Political culture has become popular culture.

Whoever has the best take is what matters. My challenge is finding the best take, and it'll always be that.

My mom worked at the VA for years, so any time I can do anything to help, it's a must.

Dick Gregory and Richard Pryor laid the groundwork for us as Indian-Americans. How can we add our story to their groundwork is the question.

Being healthy is the crown that only the sick can see. A lot of times, we take it for granted.

I'm a big believer in doing everything you can and everything in your power to change the outcome. But health is one of those things you can't control, and it's a very scary thing for me.

I'm a huge fan of Beverly Cleary.

My biggest inspiration is black America and what they've done in the arts. I have always felt like an outsider in America, and what black Americans have done to add their chapter to this book called the American dream, and to be so unapologetic and true, and have added so much to art and culture in the world.

My dad was the only son from his entire family to come to America, and I was his only son. We had come to the States to achieve security and success for our family. Rules were simple: No fun, no friends, no girls. Go to school, come home, and study.

I feel like every conversation with my father is like an M. Night Shyamalan movie; 90 minutes of build-up to no payoff.

You can hear my opinion on various subjects, but telling my story is the most authentic thing I can do. There's nothing more powerful I can share with an audience.

Funny and sad are two sides of the same coin. I think that most comedians are able to tap into deep subject matter.

I think the best comedians have that bravery and courage to say, 'This is what it is. This is unfair; that's not cool.'

I think the way comedy is represented on screen is it's either all fart jokes - and it's just laughter for the sake of laughter - or it's one of those things where it's just kind of very preachy, very heavy-handed.

I love air conditioning and Starbucks.

I feel like we have so much to add to this book called the American Dream, and I want to add our chapter to it. I want to talk about what it means to be brown American and this concept of what I feel is the New Brown America.

'Stand-Up Planet' was Anthony Bourdain-meets-stand-up comedy.

Donald Trump is an extremist leader who came out of nowhere. He's self-financed, recruits through social media, attracts his followers with a radical ideology to take over the world, and is actively trying to promote a war between Islam and the West.

Donald Trump is white ISIS - WISIS.

I'd rather be an angry optimist than an angry nihilist.

Comedy is very disarming. It's a way to talk about things and still be light-hearted. And when it's done really well, you never see the strings, whereas when you watch an infomercial or a politician speaking, a lot of times you can see the strings, you can see what agenda they're trying to push.

If you and I believe two different things, I can attack you verbally all day, but if I can make you laugh and show you the absurdity of your argument, it will lower you guard. People let you in then.

Everybody's past and history informs them.

I'm just an American citizen like everyone else and I'm not sitting at the power table in the room where it all happens.

I'm a first-generation kid in this country. I so identify with America and its culture. I'm a citizen, I was born here. I'm American. At the same time, like most first-generation kids, I have this other identity to another country back home, which is India.

America's unique ability to change and be super flexible is pretty dope, man. It's pretty incredible. And that's what I want to contribute to.

There are definitely some set topics I go onstage with and want to talk about, but there's also an element of improvisation and spontaneity that I like to bring to each performance and talk about uniquely in that room.

When you can tailor your act, you want it to be about yourself but also about the people in the room and the experience you guys are having in that moment; it is really a special thing.

Bananas are my go-to breakfast.

I wanted to be Atticus Finch.

I went to college during the Kazaa/Napster era, and we had free Internet, which was a huge deal. People were just downloading all of everything.

The story that I'm telling in 'Homecoming King' about falling in love, these are things that happened to me - that actually happen every day in our backyards and in our communities.

A lot of times in life, it's personal choices that you're making, actively, and then there's a myriad of forces and circumstances that are out of our control. And without even realizing it, you're riding a wave of events that you have no control of.

On 'The Daily Show,' we get so caught up in the day-to-day news cycle. A story breaks, and then the piranhas in late night, we all jump to the headline, and we dissect it, and then we have to move on to the next day.

I exist in this hyphen. I'm an Indian-American-Muslim kid, but am I more Indian, or am I more American? What part of my identity am I?

One of the biggest things immigrant kids oftentimes feel is this big disparity between our parents and us. And our parents are staunch pragmatists, and I consider myself to be an optimist.

In high school, I didn't know what comedy was, but I was involved in speech and debate and public speaking.

My favorite comedians are just presenting an argument, and they're doing it in a funny way.

Nuanced debate can't stand up to a guy who's calling women pigs and retweeting white supremacists.

I've found the 90-10 rule to be pretty true: 90 percent of what I come up with and write down is kinda 'eh,' and then somehow, someway, 10 percent of it happens to work out really great in my act.

I've learned to start from a really sound argument, boil down the essence of what you're trying to say, then build your humor around that, rather than starting with, 'This sounds funny,' and going from there.

One thing I found very interesting about comedians around the world was their knowledge of stuff outside of their own culture and comfort zone. That's not very common in the States. We produce our own soft power, which is pop culture, but we rarely try to absorb and learn information from other cultures and countries.

The traditional Hollywood system is pretty rigid, but the film scene in, say, South Africa is booming with a lot of possibilities. If you have the cameras and reasonable capital, you can put your film in theatres next to 'Guardians of the Galaxy.' A great example of that was Kagiso Lediga's film 'Blitz Patrole.'

I had a huge Indian wedding, and I did it for my wife, and I did it for my white friends.

If you want a great replacement, like, who can follow Barack and still have that swag, that charisma, that charm and be historic - I think it would be Tina Fey for president.

There's all sorts of terrible things that happen around the world. And comedy's one of those few things where you can discuss those things.

To show that a comedian on stage in India talking about sanitation or in South Africa talking about HIV and AIDS awareness, if you follow the joke into their lives, you can see that, like, oh, these things aren't just contrived in joke books. This is real life. I think the best comedians have that bravery and courage to say, Oh, this is what it is.

Growing up in the States, there's this part of me that's like, man, I'm Indian. Like, this is where I belong. And as soon as I got to India, and I had to go to the bathroom in some places, I was, like, 'Man - I am American.'

Aditi is a comedy superstar over in India. She's only one of three female English-speaking comedians in India.

The movies 'Dope' and 'Straight Outta Compton' blew me away. I love seeing directors and writers of color make amazing slices of pop culture.

'Shantaram' is fantastic. An Australian prisoner escapes & joins the mafia in India? Sign me up. I love stuff that is based on true stories.

I'm addicted to chocolate chip cookies. I mean that seriously. If there are chocolate chip cookies, I will devour them.

J. Cole's 2014 'Forrest Hills Drive.' The album, artwork, and director of that album was a huge influence on the visuals for 'Homecoming King.'

Donald Trump is not a 71-year-old white man. He is an Indian uncle. He wears suits that don't fit; he can't speak English properly. He works with his idiotic sons; he hates women but loves his daughter. He makes up words when he gets angry. He is an Indian uncle.

I'm not a Larry David. I don't have a 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' and a 'Seinfeld' in me.

I can't emphasize how important free speech is to a liberal and free democracy.

A lot of people in the media say that Donald Trump goes golfing too much, which raises a very important question: Why do you care? Do you want to know what he's not doing when he's golfing? Being president. Let the man putt-putt!

Donald Trump is liar-in-chief.

U.S.A. Today is what happens when the coupon section takes over the newspaper.

As a Muslim, I like to watch Fox News for the same reason I like to play 'Call of Duty.' Sometimes, I like to turn my brain off and watch strangers insult my family and heritage.

Only in America can the first-generation Indian American Muslim kid get on the stage and make fun of the president.

Sean Spicer has somehow been doing PR since 1999, which is 18 years. Somehow, after 18 years, his go-to move was denying the Holocaust.

Donald Trump doesn't care about free speech. The man who tweets everything that enters his head doesn't care about the amendment which lets him do that.

Every time Trump goes golfing, the headline should read, 'Trump Goes Golfing. Apocalypse Delayed.'

Everything isn't breaking news. You can't go to DEFCON One just because Sanjay Gupta found a new moisturizer.

Every time I watch CNN, it feels like you're assigning me homework. Is Trump a Russian spy? I don't know. You tell me - I'm watching the news. It feels like I'm watching CNN watch the news. Just take an hour, figure out what you want to say, then go on the air.

Every time a U.S.A. Today slides underneath my door, it's like they're saying, 'Hey, you're not that smart, right?'

It is 2017, and we are living in the golden age of lying.

Sean Spicer gives press briefings like someone is going through his browser history while he watches.

I look like a melanin version of Chris Hayes.

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