Ellie Kemper Quotes

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I wrote comedy sketches in college.

New York is like the weirdest city in the United States, in a great way, and Los Angeles is probably more similar to most of America.

I need to make sure that when I'm running out to the drugstore I'm not wearing a Biore strip or something. Not that I expect anyone to recognize me, but on the off chance they do, I just don't want to embarrass myself.

I can't do impressions.

I want to be a morning-talk-show host. I love Kelly Ripa's job. She gets to live in New York and has this amazing job hosting a talk show.

My painting teacher in high school used to say, 'I can't paint like I want to, but through practice I'll get better.' But I don't think that's true. I think sometimes you just can't paint.

I loved 'Freaks and Geeks.' I don't know a better show.

I've never had prejudice against me because of being a woman in comedy, I've never felt any sort of unfairness because of that - but I do think it is naive to think that it doesn't exist.

It's interesting because with a lot of people who I've met in comedy, it seems not to matter what your background is. In terms of formal schooling - I feel like that's a nineteenth century term - but in terms of where you went to high school or college, or wherever, all that really is irrelevant, I have found, in comedy.

Improv is mostly what I've studied.

I think I get certain pleasure from writing what I'm performing.

Growing up, I had one very specific idea of what a wedding should be, and that was the wedding of Fraulein Maria and Captain von Trapp in 'The Sound of Music.'

If you're going to plan a wedding, then a certain amount of suffering is not a choice.

I guess it's easier to think badly and then be pleasantly surprised.

One nice thing that I have discovered about Los Angeles is the enthusiasm with which people dress.

Most New Yorkers want to look amazing, and they want you to understand that they look amazing, but they also want you to stop staring at them.

In Los Angeles, people dress with the deep and earnest hope that people will do nothing but stare at them.

Los Angeles survives on that which is unpredictable. The unexpected courses through its very veins.

When you start feeling the baby kick, you realize there's a person inside, and that pregnancy is very different from having a person you're responsible for for the rest of your life. I don't know what I'm doing, but then I have to remind myself no parent does, right?

I joined an improv comedy group. Ours was named 'Quick Fire!' with an exclamation point. It was when I auditioned for that team and got on it and felt like... I'll just say I felt like I was good at it.

Yes, some women are funny. No, some women aren't funny. It's similar to how some women are tall and, you know, some women are short.

Men, who certainly possess not only the savvy but also the know-how to be funny, for some reason, are just not. I began to notice this at a pretty young age, and unfortunately, a lifetime of living - and not a little bit of regret - hasn't done much to convince me otherwise.

There are some extremely acceptable male comedians out there: Joel Osteen, Abraham Lincoln, the man who played Phil Spector in HBO's 'Phil Spector.' But even those guys, while insightful and amusing, aren't exactly funny.

A man's face is not a rich person's lawn; you are wasting resources if you devote that much energy to trimming your beard, sideburns, or mustache just so. Nor is a man's face the woods; there need not be the tangled weeds, shrubbery, and wildlife/eggs benedict that get ensnared in them.

In the back of my head, I always thought it would be great to become an actress on a sitcom.

I think New Yorkers are some of the friendliest people in the world, but it just comes out in a different way. In a way where they're swearing at you.

A lot of people ask, 'What's the best advice Tina Fey's given you?' But she doesn't, like, go about doling out advice - like, 'I've got another tip for you!'

I love, love, love, love, love, love Naeem Khan. Every dress he makes looks like it belongs in a museum. You put it on, and you feel like royalty.

I have given myself dork shivers so many times that I would be an outright liar if I characterized myself as anything other than a pure, utter, and unadulterated dork.

I have found I'm leaning toward more vibrant colors because I'm so happy in them.

I think, regardless of gender, women and men need to be brave, take chances with their work, and be open to feedback. But I do think 'politeness' is an issue that can hinder your work if you aren't careful. Kindness is important, but being overly polite - thinking you can't disagree with someone about your own work - be careful about that.

I have very sensitive skin, and so, whenever I can, I want to give it a rest. I'm, like, the moisturizing queen.

I'm a little disappointed in myself because before getting pregnant, I resolved to do all these things during my pregnancy to nurse a healthy pregnancy. And so I'm finding in these final weeks that I didn't do any of them.

If I don't do some sort of exercise in a day, I do get in a terrible mood. That's always been true.

I always have ice cream in the house. I have a bowl of it, and then a bit more. One of the greatest pleasures in my life is going back and getting a second half-bowl. The first bowl is just the prelude.

I'm a morning bird. I love getting up before it's light out if it's possible. I wake up, I have a black coffee. I'm an 86-year-old man. I try to work out first thing to get it over with. When I do it, I feel good because I have the endorphins all day.

If you're tired, you shouldn't make yourself exercise. Take a nap instead. It's about getting an appropriate amount of work and rest. I get very crabby if I'm not well-rested.

I look forward to physical activity; it's a release from stress and a nice distraction. It puts me in a better mood. I never used to take classes before, but then I tore my plantar fascia so I couldn't run. I started taking SoulCycle classes, which I know are polarizing. People have strong opinions. Even though I can run again, I still go.

If I'm alone, I tend to cook for myself. I do a pretty good job of preparing healthful foods. My go-to is everything in a bowl like quinoa, avocado. Later in the day, scrambled eggs. I'm not a gourmet chef. I cook in bulk very well.

Growing up, I had one very specific idea of what a wedding should be, and that was the wedding of Fraeulein Maria and Captain von Trapp in 'The Sound of Music.'

It took two months from the day my fiance proposed to my first Google search for 'wedding planning: how?' Now, let me interrupt myself here and share how much I hate using the word 'fiance.' It's so fancy, and it's hard not to sound like a jerk saying it. Which is why I will be using my own word for fiance: gloob.

I am fully anticipating that something - perhaps many things - will not go according to plan on our actual wedding day. If some of the flowers are wilted, or there aren't enough vegetarian meals, or the priest calls me the wrong name, I will embrace these errors.

I've participated in the Nautica Malibu Triathlon a couple of times, but only in the running portion.

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