David Sedaris Quotes

Most Famous David Sedaris Quotes of All Time!

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I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.

They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.

After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.

I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.

My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.

People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?'

I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.

The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.

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