Craig Ferguson Quotes

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I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.

I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.

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All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals.

If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone.

I wanted to be a rock star.

Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one.

I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for...

I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel.

I'm not aware of having a creepy laugh, but apparently I do.

It's the beauty and curse of doing a daily show. Some days you've got nothing to talk about and other days Dick Cheney shoots his lawyer in the face and everyone is happy.

Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian.

It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television.

I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.

I come from a very critical culture. You know the Scots. They're always saying: 'Oh, no. It will never work. You'll never amount to anything. You've got to know your place in the world.'

I dropped out of high school when I was 16, after I had a huge argument with my English teacher over the meaning of the word 'existentialism.'

I am probably a pseudo-intellectual.

If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in.

I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.

I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think.

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