Bob Newhart Quotes

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I don't know how doctors pick one specialty over another. Some you can understand. Pediatricians. Or gynecologists delivering babies, bringing a new life into the world, but how does someone want to be a proctologist? How can you fall in love with proctology?

What you see on stage is pretty much the way I am... a dry sense of humor.

There isn't a comedian in the world that hasn't bombed.

I am one of the great wasters of time. I have made it an art form. I can get up at 8 o'clock in the morning, be out of the house by 8:30 and back by 5 P.M., and I'll be going all day long and accomplish absolutely nothing. It's an amazing talent.

I know Chuck Lorre personally, and am familiar with his work going back to 'Roseanne' and 'Cybil.'

You may have done 20 great shows in a row and come to one, and it doesn't work. You never presume anything.

I've always said people say on a dramatic show, 'I was crying. It was so emotional when he went and grabbed that little girl from a burning building and handed her over to her mother.' In comedy, the best thing you can say is, 'I think it's funny.'

I'm not a classically trained actor. I'm not a product of Stavlovski method or anything like that.

More and more, as I get older, people come up to me and say, 'Thank you for all the laughter.' And my standard answer is, 'It was my pleasure.' But that's the truth.

Without great writing, you've got a bunch of actors bumping into each other.

I always stayed away from political commentary. First of all, I didn't feel entitled. What I may feel about a candidate, I'm a comedian. I mean, if people like my comedy, that doesn't mean they should vote for the person I like. That's why I always kind of stayed away from endorsements.

People have told me, 'My dad passed on, but I have great memories of watching your shows with him.' It doesn't get any better than that.

Sometimes you forget you're famous. You wonder, 'Why is that person staring at me?'

Humor's a weapon if you want to make it one.

You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.

I wasn't the class clown. I wasn't that obvious. There would be a circle of guys, and they're watching the class clown. And I'm standing in the back, and I turn to the guy next to me and I say something funny to him, and he starts to laugh. And the guy next to him says, 'What did he say?'

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