Patton Oswalt Quotes

Most Famous Patton Oswalt Quotes of All Time!

We have created a collection of some of the best patton-oswalt quotes so you can read and share anytime with your friends and family. Share our Top 10 Patton Oswalt Quotes on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

Growing up, there are always those kids who are only happy when they are making someone else upset. That is unfortunately just how some people are. And their parents were fine. Some people are just born with bad wiring.

In my mind, I was always a comedian who was going to branch into writing.

Popular Quotes Topics for You.

All the truly great stand-ups say, 'I go onstage, and I work on jokes. The inspiration will happen while I'm doing my work.' To me, in the end, the surest thing is work.

Before doing my first open mic, I was sitting in the back watching all these comedians banter back and forth and fire jokes and up each other, and I thought, 'This is where I wanna be.'

To get asked to do stuff like 'United States Of Tara' and 'Caprica' is terrific. I can't complain.

There's nothing wrong with doing comedies, and I'm not against comedies, either, but I always want to do stuff that keeps me off my guard and gets me out of my comfort zone.

I'm going to continue to try to strike a balance, because I really, really do love doing stand-up, and I don't see why it should affect the acting.

I wish I had a really cool, esoteric answer, but what the process is to me is going onstage night after night after night after night until I get a new hour. And then once that hour is solidified and...

Knock on wood, my groupies tend to be very artistic, creative people - sometimes way more creative than I am.

One of my groupies gave me a film that they made, and it ended up being amazing, so I got it shown at South by Southwest. If I can help get their stuff out there, then great.

This sounds like a brag, but I know how to make good fried rice. I learned in college. There are two secrets - take the rice after you cook it and let it get cold in the fridge. Then cook...

Lot of ugly funny dudes end up with some pretty gorgeous women. Women are much deeper than us in choosing a mate - they see in the long term.

Every audience is different, even within the same venue. You have to just make every audience your audience; you can't pre-judge an audience based on the size of the room or the type of room.

I'm always trying out new stuff onstage. That's where I do all my writing.

If you actually do cold readings, it's very close to how people actually talk, because you're experiencing these thoughts anew every moment, and trying to make them come out coherently.

I have a very tiny house in Burbank. I drive an 8-year-old car. I'm gonna drive it into the ground. I enjoy what I enjoy.

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.

George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil.

I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you.

Guys, we are trying to share Unique Patton Oswalt Quotes, so you will not get to read the same things again and again on our website. You can also share your favorites on Facebook or send them to a friend who loves to reading quotes.